Les Misérables

Miserable. I feel so miserable…

Why am I choosing to make myself so miserable? Why do I care so much about petty issues? Why do I take everything that happened as a personal attack against me?

Yes. I chose to make myself miserable. I don’t usually expect anything from people but after what had happened, I realized that subconsciously I expected more from you, my friend. I guess that’s why I am so upset and angry yesterday. Every action that you make, I took it personally, although you have not done so intentionally. That’s how I choose to make myself miserable. The more you did, the more I got angry. That is because I did not give you the benefit of the doubt. It is not your fault, really! It’s the way I chose to handle the situation, that made me miserable.

I chose to feel that it is a masquerade party. I chose to feel that everyone around me is wearing a mask. You guys can go on pretending nothing has happened. Well, nothing has really happened, besides some minor issue of some spoilt brat making a fuss of trivial issues and wanting attention.

I chose to be childish, scrutinizing every little detail, remembering all the insignificant matters of the past. Every valid reason that you gave, I rejected it, not because it wasn’t reasonable, it was because I am unreasonable. Remember that spoilt brat?

My outburst yesterday cracked my mask. Revealing a glimpse of the real me inside. I do get angry, I do get stressed, I do get upset, and I do hurt people. I am pretty stressed up with all the activities and deadlines, but that it is just an excuse, I would say.
It is the way I am. Like it or not, that’s me.

*I sincerely apologize to those I have offended yesterday - ls, rh and yq. I shouldnt have said certain things...