When a friend/enemy called 'Problem' comes knocking(in an urgent and violent manner) on my door...

I mean, who doesn't have problems?

Well, as a Christian, there are so many Bible passages which talks about letting God solve your problems, e.g. 'Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you',..., 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest.',..., 'Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you'...

Yesterday, Ivan was sharing in cg about how we could go to God first with our problems because He is the person who could solve all problems.

Saying is easy, but doing it is rather difficult, especially when it comes to pressing problems that affect me emotionally. Sometimes, problems do become enslaving. Surely I believe that God can solve all my problems. So why am I still being controlled by it when I have already submitted it to God?

Does God really hear me when I pray, or am I just talking to the wall? How I know that God is listening or am I just psyching up myself to believe it? How come I don't really feel God's presence? Am I really believing that God is much bigger than my problems? How do know God will answer? Or I'm just afraid that the answer God provides is not the answer I want? Doubts are always there...

I guess it boils down to faith in God. It is not based on feelings. But by believing. And that is not easy, when everything around seems to say the other thing, and when emotions clouds and overwhelms rationality. Even sometimes rationality seems to tell me the other thing, logic and common sense opposes as well...how to have faith??

So I guess faith in the person develops when we get to know the person more...So I guess I still need to know a lot more about God...

Round and round the hamster wheel...

Sometimes, I feel like a hamster. Like this one above ^ (Cute right?)

What I like doing best? Running in the wheel!! Like this one ^
Huh?

Well, if you think its another random post...

You're right!!

The past few weeks, particularly last week, I was struggling quite a bit with my project. The results were devastating, demoralizing, discouraging, ... (Sorry, I've a limited vocabulary...)

ECG works fine normally, but does not function during CA

To sum it up: It sucks!

I've been so discouraged by it that I tried to escape from, avoid it, run away from it, only to meet it again this week.

Not only that, there are so many other commitments...So many things...

Just like the hamster on the wheel - it is running as fast as it could, but in the end, it is still in the cage. It can't escape it...Sounds sad right?

What I've been reminded from Ecclesiastes (A depressing book in the Bible, which also happens to be anntic's theme book this year):
'For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.' (1:18)
'Then I saw wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. Yet I myself perceived that the same event happens to them all...For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, since all that now is will be forgotten in days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool!'(2:13-16)

Ok some of you might become defensive and start arguing about it. Sorry to sound so cynical. Even the author of the book Ecclesiastes does sound cynical and yet contradicting at times...Just like our human nature - full of contradictions

Are we not trying to find meaning in life?? Aren't we trying to fill our lives with things that we think are precious??

I've been running away for the past week...Playing more dota, going out enjoying myself, going back home, idling, sleeping...

Only to find out that I'm just running round and round the hamster wheel.

One thing i'm going to find out - which many Christians claim - a life lived for God brings much joy and meaning...

A broken and contrite heart...

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Ps 51:17

Random post for the week...

This week has been busy. Submission deadlines and new projects and labs to come. The list seems endless. All these work coupled by hall activities: Band rehearsals, sports training, vcf, hearts, etc, etc...

Come on man...why am I, a year 3 undergraduate, committing myself to so many activities?
What am I trying to prove?

Well, its only natural that I feel a little more stressed, moody, tired, grumpy and unhappy...perhaps those negative feelings accumulated and made me feel lazy. Hence the previous post.

On the other side, I'm still quite thankful for good health despite less sleep hours this week. The main thing that's bringing me pain is this huge ulcer at the side of my lips. I think its due to stress.

One of the most painful ulcers I ever had

Well, i'm thankful that my project is going better now. I'm thankful for having hardworking group mates for my other assignment. I'm thankful for food also =) And milo trucks and free drinks and free donuts!

Well, I'll be extremely thankful if it rains later at about 4pm...then softball training would be shifted to A1 instead of SRC - located eons away from my room.

Idleness

Have you ever went through those nights where you just don't feel like doing anything. Not just work in particular...even don't feel like playing games, dont feel like leaving the room...
just feel like lying down on my bed and stare at the ceiling...
just want to stare at the whiteness of the ceiling....
just staring at the shadows of the rotating ceiling fan...

Well, I'm having one of those nights...I had been staring at the ceiling for the past 30mins...

well, probably last week had been busy...or perhaps I'm feeling exhausted...or perhaps the feeling of helplessness having so much things to do but not knowing which to do...but those are just excuses...
Its just slothfulness, laziness, slacking, idleness, sluggishness...whatever you called it...

Somethings, we just feel lazy...

>.<

But laziness is something to be condemned! Woe to me!

I still have the numerous work and other commitments to do!

ah...back to work! Work! Work!!!

Tired and Weak...

Now its my turn to feel tired...Not because I just ran about 8km or that I just played a bit of badminton. Band practice even slipped out of my mind, and I missed it. Fortunately, they postponed band practice.

This feeling of tiredness. Its overwhelming.

Activities after activities, projects after projects, lab reports after lab reports, trainings after trainings, deadlines after deadlines, written reports after written reports, assessments after assessments.

Sometimes, activities and busyness just serve to distract or divert us away from our real problems...

perhaps, being vulnerable now, I'm forced to draw strength and rely on God. People often told me, Christianity is a religion for the weak. Because we Christians always depend on God for strength and cannot rely on ourselves. I guess that's true. Only the sick requires a doctor and only the weak requires a savior.

'...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."

building an ECG

This project is keeping me occupied lately. I've been going to the lab every free time I've just to adjust and debug my ECG and make it work.

The most depressing question you can ever ask me now is: "How's your circuit?"...

Anyways, of course there are improvements and progress:

I was so happy when I got this reading on the oscilloscope. Its still quite flawed, but at least there's a shape and that's progress

I got this the next day. I did not touch the circuit nor made any adjustments. It just refuses to look like the previous day's reading. This would look good if it was rotated upside down.

Finally, I got something which looks more like the actual ECG shape after some adjustments to my circuit. However, if this reading were my ECG, then my heart rate would be approximately 3000 beats per minute (Which means I shouldn't be alive to give this kind of heart rate). Hence, there is still a major problem in my ECG circuit.

Ya...so lately if you see me looking moody, tired or obsessed with something, you know why la har...