i am weary

I feel fatigue, tired, weary, worn out...

The motivation and determination I had for the past 3 days had vanished...

really feel like giving up and say "I cant cope anymore"...

"But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Why is it that I feel so weary? Is it because I didnt wait on the LORD?
LORD, what does it mean to wait on You? Have I relied too much on myself?
Help me understand what is it to WAIT on You...

I pray LORD, help me understand what is it to WAIT on You,
I want renewed strength, not to be weary and not faint...

"Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matt 11:28-30

Will You give me rest? Life is indeed not a bed of roses.
O, ye of little faith!! Why is it so hard for me to believe those words?

The little toy car...

Once upon a time, there was a little toy car. It had a little boy as an owner. He would often play with it. The toy car really enjoyed itself when the boy spent time playing with it.

After a while, the little boy grew old. Slowly his interest in the toy car diminished. All the little boy did now was to spend time on his laptop playing dota all day long.

The toy car wanted his owner to play with him but the boy seemed to be only interested in cystral maiden and phatom assassin. So, the toy car tried to get the boy's attention by making some noise. However, it only seemed to make the boy get more irritated with the toy.

So, the boy decided to lock the toy car behind a sound proof glass case so that the toy car would be quiet. So, with the peace and quiet, the boy was able to enjoy playing dota without distrations and he finally formed a clan and won the World Cyber Games dota tourney held in singapore 2006. He finally found true joy in his life. Every once in a while, he would glance at the glass case and see the toy car. He would then be reminded of his childhood and say to himself, "What a sad childhood I had, if only I had a laptop when I was young. I could have been a champion in counterstrike, diablo and winning eleven too. "

Sadly, the toy car was no longer useful to its owner. It has outlived its usefulness and now lies forgotten in the case. The toy car really wanted its owner to play with it, but the boy has completely lost interest in the toy car. The toy car felt so helpless, hurt and lonely inside the case.

Then one fine day, the toy car just broke out of the glass case and escaped into the garden. It finally learnt to give up on the little boy. It ran into a group of mice. And since that day, the toy car chauffered the mice around the garden. The toy car had found another purpose of its existence and It lived happily ever after.

keeping in pace...

Life is rather eventful these few days. I am also quite surprised I have managed to stay alive (or stay awake during lectures) this week. The past 2 days I have been only sleeping 4 hours a day (a feat which victor who usually sleeps at least 8 hours a day, will never achieve). Well, what to do, I have to keep up with my work. The less i sleep, the more time I have. Of course, my reliance on cafeine has increased also. I hope not to drink too much coffee coz I heard that cafeine is bad for the brain. Isn't it?

Today, finally I have the afternoon free. But as soon as I came back to my room and went for a shower, chooi syn came looking for me to do productions recording. Sien, there goes my afternoon...more time wasted on recording and I havent do my c++ lab due tmr and my math tutorial and all other tutorials as well. Oh well, I have all the time in the world. Later, i also got to go do rehearsals for production at 10pm.

well, uni life is a busy life.

I have to be tough...coz life is tough.

In the midst of my hectic schedule, I still cant believe I have the time to blog. Well, I guess I need to "chill out". But, life has been really tough for me this week. I even found my past week more hectic than JC life. (fyi, my jc life is working hours, 6am-10pm, 5 days a week).

Well, can't blame anyone else, besides myself for my busy-ness. Well, firstly, why did I even join 3 heavy commitees in my hall?? I have a video I nid to edit before this sunday, I have to help recording for my productions, not to mention find time to teach my dear actor and actress the songs and on top of all, PA duties and meeting to attend. Why am I even in publicity for PA live awards?

Well, I could have coped with the workload, if I didnt take 6 freaking modules this sem. Well, and out of the 6 modules, all 5 modules are harder than average. Firstly, C++ module, "the killer module" which failed 40+ ppl out of 300. Well, there is a reason why it has 5 modular credits. I've been working on my lab programme code since 2 days ago and I m still stuck. The next killer module would be French 2. The dropout rate is even higher and much tougher than C++. I dont even find math and physics easy anymore.

This sem, I am gonna push my limits. Have been sleeping later every night and waking up early in the morning. I didnt even have time to take naps in the afternoon. I just hope I dont fall sick and I guesss I have to rely on coffee for the next week.

Yupz...life is tough.

A Ribena a day keeps the doctor away...

Life is full of discoveries @@

Tutorials...

I was unusually late for tutorial today. I rushed up to my classroom, and as expected, I saw many people already inside. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a brooding firgure at the corner table. Something about him is so familiar. Wait... that's Jason!! Jason?? I quickly checked my classroom number - E1-06-16. Correct classroom. What is jason doing here in Engine? Lolz. Jason is my new classmate @@

Cool, I have always wondered why my math did so much better in jc compared to now. Now I know the answer, it was the brilliance aura emanating from jason that made me smarter. Haha...while paying attention to the tutor, I noticed jason was starting to scribble down some notes. At the second glance, I realised I was wrong, becoz he was actually doodling a sketch of a unicorn. Memories of how jason used to doodle during lectures came back to me. That's the brilliance aura.

Yesterday, my c++ tutorial was quite interesting. The tutor is a Russian. His name is Pavel (pronounced as Pasha). He told us that c++ is very frustration and he really hates c++. LOL. Then a student asked him, " Sir, then what is it that u like? Java? ". He then answered, " Err....actually I like watching movies". Wow, got owned by him. Then the same student asked him again, "Then why are u taking a PHD in computing?". He replied, " Err....to be a professor? I guess, I dont really know what I want to be."...lolz..anyway, he is actually quite a good tutor, coz he doesnt take attendance and he give hints for lab sessions =)

Cherchez-vous un campagnon?

Oui, je cherche une compagnon. Je ne veux pas beaucoup d'amis, mais un bon ami est assez bien. Une petite amie, je voudrais la cherche. Je suis amoureux? Non... Je ne veux pas être seul.

Well, I don't know... Is it just me, or is it I am just someone very irritating and annoying to you, like a thorn in the flesh?
If it is true, I would prefer to be told to me directly about it than just doing it implicitly.

Busy busy busy...why do I choose to do some much work? Does it really matter, if I just skip some meetings or just dont do any work? I feel so cheap, like a child worker being exploited in sweatshops, enduring long hours of drudgery, only to gain meagre CCA points.

Well, anything that doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Perhaps.
But the issue here is not being stronger but being able to survive.

One day...I am gonna prove you guys wrong. I am not a nobody.

Drowsy & Woozy

Wow, my head really feels so heavy...
And I am having slight gastric at the same time...
so, here I am now, eating and at the same time trying not to fall asleep...

1k team

The 1k team lived up to its name. Ya, we got the first prize - 1k.

I didnt expect the trebuchet to perform so well on the actual day.

last night, it was a starry starry night. The night sky was so clear that I could see stars. Come to think of it, it has been a long time since I saw stars...haha. Too bad, tonite it is not as clear as yesterday.

Well, during the times I slacked yesterday while doing the trebuchet, I got this chance to gaze upon the stars. Then foo suggested wishing on the brigthest star (u know like disney cartoons). So I jokingly wished on the star that I would get 1k...coz I not greedy didnt ask for 1 million. Wow, we won 1k today. Haha...

ok ok, actually its the team that made us win not the star. Coz, our team is the "1k team"!

Happiness =)

I have been experiencing a lot of ups and downs since coming to university. I have been thinking again about what is happiness…after some thought, I thought I might as well find the opinion of others on happiness. So, out of curiosity, I googled the word “happiness” and Voilà! Here are some quotes to ponder about…

Ignorance is bliss?

I once told my friend that happy people are the ignorant ppl. Look at children in general, they are so happy! Is it because they know very little about the real world? Perhaps it is. Well, how about children in third world countries? They seem like they are suffering from poverty, hunger and being abused. How can they be happy? Well, they experienced the harsh real world so they know more compared to their counterparts living in the rich developed countries. These rich kids are more sheltered from the cruel world.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. Mark Twain

Another example would be the mentally ill or retarded people. These people are happy, lost in their own worlds. So despite the troubles and difficulties of the world, they are still happy. They do not think much, they do not worry much. But they are happy. How about escapism? Does it make one happy? Well, definitely yes but only temporarily. One cannot escape reality forever. After it is over, you will become unhappy again. Once in form 4, I had to read this book “The Louts Eater” it wasn’t really an entertaining book to me (no offence, coz I didn’t know how to appreciate the book). However, the theme of escapism is clearly being brought up by the author. Well, of course the story is exaggerated but it still has a point to make.

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven. John Milton
However, is the happiness of these people (mentally ill and ignorant) real? Are they self-deluded that they are happy? Well, my answer is both a yes and no. Happiness is a state of mind. If you think you are happy then you are happy. Yes, we can choose to be happy or not. But somehow, it cannot be denied that sometimes situations can really affect a person despite how optimistic he might be. So, in such situations, you can pretend you are happy but deep down inside you know you are just lying to yourself.

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. Henry David Thoreau

Generally, contented people are usually happier compared to wealthier people who are discontented although they have much more in possessions. So, if you are ignorant that we can have MUCH MUCH more and contented with what we have, we are happier. However, the problem is that it is not easy to be contented when you see your neighbor having a bigger house or better CAP score. It is easy to be contented with what I have when I don’t compare with others. There is always a hidden longing in our hearts - “How I wish that was mine…” or “If only it was better…”. I really admire contented people and aspire to be like them.

To fill the hour -- that is happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, if you are unhappy about something, why don’t you occupy our time with what you enjoy or with the things you like? Or just occupy our time to keep ourselves busy? We would be so occupied that we forget all our miseries. Isn’t that happiness? The problem is that would make us lethargic. Also, in our free time, we do not feel happy again. Well, for me, I would prefer to be less busy.

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. Mark Twain

Certainly, being in a cheerful company really can cheer one up. On the contrary, being around with sad people can make one depressed. So, to be happy, must we go look for happy people? But if that is the case, will it mean that our happiness depend on other people? If the people around me are sad, does it mean I won’t be happy? What if the happy people are not around anymore, will we loose our happiness? That is one way of interpretation (and I think I have misinterpreted the quote). But surely, the quote meant that happiness can affect other people positively too. So we must be happy if we want a happy community.

My Opinion?

In my opinion, all these do affect happiness. But I feel the most important element that brings true happiness is the fact that you are being loved. Why is it children seem happier? Because they know that they are loved by their parents. Why is it people grieve when their love ones died? Because they do not want to be separated from the ones they love. Why is it that a visit to the old folk’s home, children’s home, or the disabled home can really make its occupants happy? Because they know that there are people out there who care for them. People can find happiness within their families, their friends and spouses. People who know they are loved have this happiness and hope to continue living on even when circumstances become grim.

I personally like this quote the most among those already stated:

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. George Sand

Anyone else has other opinions? Or any fallacies in my reasoning? Feel free to comment.

*haha, yet another serious entry in my blog. Blame it on CTW. I hope this doesn’t bore anyone yet. To those who expect me to put some gossip in my blog, sorry lar…

dissappointed

sigh . . .

Syllogism

Major premise:
People with no logic can't validate syllogisms using Venn diagrams.
Minor premise:
Victor can't use Venn diagrams to validate syllogisms.
Conclusion:
Victor has no logic.

I just had my first critical thinking and writing tutorial for the semester. Somehow, I couldn't understand the logic behind those Venn diagrams that we used to valid syllogisms. Although the tutor explained it thoroughly and slowly, I still couldnt grasp the method. In the end, I had to rely on my classmate for the answers..my answers seem to be wrong most of the time..

If that is what critical thinking is about, it looks like victor does not have the critical thinking mind....

Haha...this blog is just for fun. Anyway, critical thinking module seemed interesting and it managed to keep me awake for although its like at 4pm-6pm.

Les Misérables

Miserable. I feel so miserable…

Why am I choosing to make myself so miserable? Why do I care so much about petty issues? Why do I take everything that happened as a personal attack against me?

Yes. I chose to make myself miserable. I don’t usually expect anything from people but after what had happened, I realized that subconsciously I expected more from you, my friend. I guess that’s why I am so upset and angry yesterday. Every action that you make, I took it personally, although you have not done so intentionally. That’s how I choose to make myself miserable. The more you did, the more I got angry. That is because I did not give you the benefit of the doubt. It is not your fault, really! It’s the way I chose to handle the situation, that made me miserable.

I chose to feel that it is a masquerade party. I chose to feel that everyone around me is wearing a mask. You guys can go on pretending nothing has happened. Well, nothing has really happened, besides some minor issue of some spoilt brat making a fuss of trivial issues and wanting attention.

I chose to be childish, scrutinizing every little detail, remembering all the insignificant matters of the past. Every valid reason that you gave, I rejected it, not because it wasn’t reasonable, it was because I am unreasonable. Remember that spoilt brat?

My outburst yesterday cracked my mask. Revealing a glimpse of the real me inside. I do get angry, I do get stressed, I do get upset, and I do hurt people. I am pretty stressed up with all the activities and deadlines, but that it is just an excuse, I would say.
It is the way I am. Like it or not, that’s me.

*I sincerely apologize to those I have offended yesterday - ls, rh and yq. I shouldnt have said certain things...

Old Lady...

Today, I heard a story of an old lady in my C++ programming lecture today...

Once upon a time, there is an old lady who had two sons. The elder son sells umbrellas while the younger son sells ice-creams. The old lady would worry when it rains because she is worried about her younger son couldnt sell his ice-creams. But when its hot and sunny, she would worry about her elder son because he couldn't sell his umbrellas. So, she would go on worrying abut her sons everyday.

One day her friend noticed her worries and decided to ask her why. The old lady then explained her worries to her. After hearing her story, her friend told her that she should be happy every day instead because when it rains, her elder son could sell his umbrellas and when its sunny, her younger son could sell his ice-cream.

After that, the old lady lived happily ever after =)

New Year Resolution 1.01a

Well, sadly, I have BROKEN most of my new year resolutions within the first week of the new year. I don't think the lack of discipline is the reason for me breaking these resolutions but rather is the lack of motivation that makes me break them...So, I guess I would revise and redo my resolutions from a different perspective. My revised resolutions would be more like principles to follow, rather than doing specific tasks...I hope it works =p

1. Know Jesus Christ
2. Trust in God, no matter what my results may be.
3. Be grateful with what I have whenever I feel like complaining.
4. In all things do it for the glory of God.
5. Whenever I feel down or lonely, turn to Jesus, He is always there.
6. Be reminded that I am a steward of time & money; so spent them wisely
7. Before I love someone, let me learn to love God first.
8. Keep my new year resolution 1 day at a time; do not worry about being able to keep it for a year, but rather just being able to keep it for a day.
9. Be more confident in myself, because it would be reflected by my body posture (so don't hunch!); Make the most of my talents.
10. Have a heart of worship, daily.


The revised version is from a different perspective compared to the previous one, a more Christian approach. I am printing this out to hang it on my wall to remind myself.

Well, if this fails...there is always version 1.01b

Happy New Year!!

It was 2007 even before I realized it. There was no countdown, no fireworks display, no party, but just a dark cloudy night with no stars. There we were in the courtyard in the dark due to the breakdown of the power supply in of Resort Lautan Biru, Mersing. We were in a circle holding hands and praying while ushering the New Year. That’s how DCG (Daya Gospel Chapel, my church) welcomed the 2007. Well, it’s the first time they held a watch night service somewhere else instead of jb. It is an experience I would cherish dearly. After that, the youth (mostly kids) organized some games which lasted till 4am. To be honest, I really find some of the games a good waste of time – really boring. But, I enjoyed the company(well, at least some of the company)…but I didn’t enjoy being sabo-ed..haha..

Well, the trip back home from Mersing is long and I cant sleep (coz its so cramp.My car is carrying 10 ppl), I thought that I should write down some new year resolutions.Here it goes :

New Year Resolutions

1. Know Jesus Christ
2. Read the Bible daily
3. Be more aware of God’s presence
4. Stop Complaining (Sorry YQ, you must have been sick & tired of hearing me complaining for the past week…haha)
5. Maintain My Cap score (and then improve it ^^)
6. Get 5.0 for C++ (A QUITE challenging task)
7. Stop Hunching
8. Win a friend back
9. Go back to jb as often as possible
10. Do Less. Take life easy
11. Remember to breathe
12. Learn to say “no” to night dota games
13. Flirt with more girls
14. Get a gf (optional. Not compulsory at all)
15. Read more books
16. Pass Grade 8
17. Try to keep my new year resolution (at least for the first 2 weeks)