Floating around...

Suddenly, the holidays are coming to an end. And after reflecting, I haven't done anything at all during this break. Time is wasted.

It feels like I'm just floating aimlessly. No target to achieve. No interest in things. Just continuous existence.

Finding Meaning in a Meaningless World

That is basically what the theme of Anntic camp was about. It is not pessimistic in a sense that the world is meaningless, but it shows that there is indeed meaning in this world that seems so twisted and warped.

The committee has planned it for half a year. Now it is over. While planning, I wished it was over soon. But when its over, I wished it wasn't. I really enjoyed the camp though I was quite busy. I learnt quite alot from the speakers, from peers and even from working with one another in the comm.

Its like a feeling that I've lost something, now that its over. Haha...

Hi

=)

One thing worst than being anxious during exams:

Giving up

One thing worst than giving up:

Apathy

In the thinking mood...

Well, I guess when we become smarter and more intellectual, things that seemed simple becomes strangely complicated. Why aren't things simple?

I guess that is the grief of wisdom.
'For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.' Ecc 1: 18

Well, it is good to think and thinking ability is God given and distinguishes us from animals (And distinguishes first class honors graduates (smart ppl) with the rest...) Ok, before we start another debate on whether first class honors students are smart or not, lets take time now just to stone and slack...thinking rerquires effort

Ok Lets be random...

Oh hey, there is this song which reminds me of Cedar Point.This is because they always play this song in the employee's cafeteria during lunch time. Haha...

Yeah...being charitable means more work

Alright..time to start working on my lab reports and projects. This final 3 weeks will be my busiest ever...Also, anntic stuff has to be settled too...

Well, the trip to the hospital was quite a good experience last Saturday, even though it was such a nice rainy cool Saturday morning.

The old lady seemed to be ever optimistic about life and I'm quite surprised when I asked her how she like the food there and stuff, she said "makan di sini sedap!"... "Sini saya happy juga..." LOL...I think we youngsters are even more pessimistic than her.

Sometimes, I wonder whatever that we have done that day does really make a difference. To me, it is just some simple(a bit silly) games. Even if they do enjoy the games, we are just providing temporal relieve and happiness...

We're not solving their problems. We are just injecting a dosage of happiness to them.

When a friend/enemy called 'Problem' comes knocking(in an urgent and violent manner) on my door...

I mean, who doesn't have problems?

Well, as a Christian, there are so many Bible passages which talks about letting God solve your problems, e.g. 'Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you',..., 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest.',..., 'Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you'...

Yesterday, Ivan was sharing in cg about how we could go to God first with our problems because He is the person who could solve all problems.

Saying is easy, but doing it is rather difficult, especially when it comes to pressing problems that affect me emotionally. Sometimes, problems do become enslaving. Surely I believe that God can solve all my problems. So why am I still being controlled by it when I have already submitted it to God?

Does God really hear me when I pray, or am I just talking to the wall? How I know that God is listening or am I just psyching up myself to believe it? How come I don't really feel God's presence? Am I really believing that God is much bigger than my problems? How do know God will answer? Or I'm just afraid that the answer God provides is not the answer I want? Doubts are always there...

I guess it boils down to faith in God. It is not based on feelings. But by believing. And that is not easy, when everything around seems to say the other thing, and when emotions clouds and overwhelms rationality. Even sometimes rationality seems to tell me the other thing, logic and common sense opposes as well...how to have faith??

So I guess faith in the person develops when we get to know the person more...So I guess I still need to know a lot more about God...

Round and round the hamster wheel...

Sometimes, I feel like a hamster. Like this one above ^ (Cute right?)

What I like doing best? Running in the wheel!! Like this one ^
Huh?

Well, if you think its another random post...

You're right!!

The past few weeks, particularly last week, I was struggling quite a bit with my project. The results were devastating, demoralizing, discouraging, ... (Sorry, I've a limited vocabulary...)

ECG works fine normally, but does not function during CA

To sum it up: It sucks!

I've been so discouraged by it that I tried to escape from, avoid it, run away from it, only to meet it again this week.

Not only that, there are so many other commitments...So many things...

Just like the hamster on the wheel - it is running as fast as it could, but in the end, it is still in the cage. It can't escape it...Sounds sad right?

What I've been reminded from Ecclesiastes (A depressing book in the Bible, which also happens to be anntic's theme book this year):
'For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.' (1:18)
'Then I saw wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. Yet I myself perceived that the same event happens to them all...For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, since all that now is will be forgotten in days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool!'(2:13-16)

Ok some of you might become defensive and start arguing about it. Sorry to sound so cynical. Even the author of the book Ecclesiastes does sound cynical and yet contradicting at times...Just like our human nature - full of contradictions

Are we not trying to find meaning in life?? Aren't we trying to fill our lives with things that we think are precious??

I've been running away for the past week...Playing more dota, going out enjoying myself, going back home, idling, sleeping...

Only to find out that I'm just running round and round the hamster wheel.

One thing i'm going to find out - which many Christians claim - a life lived for God brings much joy and meaning...

A broken and contrite heart...

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Ps 51:17

Random post for the week...

This week has been busy. Submission deadlines and new projects and labs to come. The list seems endless. All these work coupled by hall activities: Band rehearsals, sports training, vcf, hearts, etc, etc...

Come on man...why am I, a year 3 undergraduate, committing myself to so many activities?
What am I trying to prove?

Well, its only natural that I feel a little more stressed, moody, tired, grumpy and unhappy...perhaps those negative feelings accumulated and made me feel lazy. Hence the previous post.

On the other side, I'm still quite thankful for good health despite less sleep hours this week. The main thing that's bringing me pain is this huge ulcer at the side of my lips. I think its due to stress.

One of the most painful ulcers I ever had

Well, i'm thankful that my project is going better now. I'm thankful for having hardworking group mates for my other assignment. I'm thankful for food also =) And milo trucks and free drinks and free donuts!

Well, I'll be extremely thankful if it rains later at about 4pm...then softball training would be shifted to A1 instead of SRC - located eons away from my room.

Idleness

Have you ever went through those nights where you just don't feel like doing anything. Not just work in particular...even don't feel like playing games, dont feel like leaving the room...
just feel like lying down on my bed and stare at the ceiling...
just want to stare at the whiteness of the ceiling....
just staring at the shadows of the rotating ceiling fan...

Well, I'm having one of those nights...I had been staring at the ceiling for the past 30mins...

well, probably last week had been busy...or perhaps I'm feeling exhausted...or perhaps the feeling of helplessness having so much things to do but not knowing which to do...but those are just excuses...
Its just slothfulness, laziness, slacking, idleness, sluggishness...whatever you called it...

Somethings, we just feel lazy...

>.<

But laziness is something to be condemned! Woe to me!

I still have the numerous work and other commitments to do!

ah...back to work! Work! Work!!!

Tired and Weak...

Now its my turn to feel tired...Not because I just ran about 8km or that I just played a bit of badminton. Band practice even slipped out of my mind, and I missed it. Fortunately, they postponed band practice.

This feeling of tiredness. Its overwhelming.

Activities after activities, projects after projects, lab reports after lab reports, trainings after trainings, deadlines after deadlines, written reports after written reports, assessments after assessments.

Sometimes, activities and busyness just serve to distract or divert us away from our real problems...

perhaps, being vulnerable now, I'm forced to draw strength and rely on God. People often told me, Christianity is a religion for the weak. Because we Christians always depend on God for strength and cannot rely on ourselves. I guess that's true. Only the sick requires a doctor and only the weak requires a savior.

'...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."

building an ECG

This project is keeping me occupied lately. I've been going to the lab every free time I've just to adjust and debug my ECG and make it work.

The most depressing question you can ever ask me now is: "How's your circuit?"...

Anyways, of course there are improvements and progress:

I was so happy when I got this reading on the oscilloscope. Its still quite flawed, but at least there's a shape and that's progress

I got this the next day. I did not touch the circuit nor made any adjustments. It just refuses to look like the previous day's reading. This would look good if it was rotated upside down.

Finally, I got something which looks more like the actual ECG shape after some adjustments to my circuit. However, if this reading were my ECG, then my heart rate would be approximately 3000 beats per minute (Which means I shouldn't be alive to give this kind of heart rate). Hence, there is still a major problem in my ECG circuit.

Ya...so lately if you see me looking moody, tired or obsessed with something, you know why la har...

Back to square 1...

After all that work, I'm back to square one once again.

Do you know what do when you've worked on one circuit for 7 weeks and still it doesn't work. Its as if its no better than it was in the first day.

I know what to do..

Clean my room!!!

VPU...

Besides VCF, and productions music, VPU is the other committee which I had put my heart into it. Of all the years in that committee (actually only 2 years), I enjoyed last year's VPU the most. I like the company back then. Although its easy for me coz I really didn't edit much videos. I still remember the times when me, wei de and che lei stayed up the whole night to edit the pre-ihg videos. I can't really say that I'm competent in editing video or was I passionate. But its an experience.
For year two, I remember the times when I taught them how to use the video cam, adobe premier, using the TV. I remember the IHG periods(Softball video again), cleaning the editing room during holidays, and my short film group, but I didn't help them much too, doing Nominations for IHG players video, being the QC for the pre-IHG video..Haha...plenty of memories...

Perhaps I'll join again next year.

Yay!!!

For the past few days, I've hit a dead wall. No progress at all for my project or my mini project and lab report. No matter what I tried to do, I was still stuck.

Somehow, today was better. I finally met the lab person and he was quite nice and helpful to me. So, finally, my circuit could be done. Also, I've managed to send 1500 bytes over via serial cable.

running without weariness

I just went for a run just now with Ivan and Eric. Initially I wasn't really planning on doing any exercise this week. I was more tied up with programming and circuit building. But anyway, I hit a dead end in my programming anyway, so I decided to go for it.

Running wasn't that easy as before. Although we ran at a quite comfortable pace throughout, I was feeling weariness, my muscles felt strained and I was gasping for air.

I couldn't help think about the last book of the chronicles of Narnia where all the children and the animals were running in the new Narnia. (The old Narnia was destroyed) They were running as fast as the unicorn (The speed of a horse I suppose) throughout the land. They were running so fast and yet not feeling a hint of weariness. And later on, being so filled with vigor and energy, they sped up to the point that they were as fast as flying. Imagine that. I would love to run at that speed and not grow weary.

Even the youths faint and get weary, and the young men utterly fall; But those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint.

Sometimes we need a break...

Well, I've done quite a lot of activities so far in the first few weeks. Sometimes its good to just stop a while and chill.

I think I chilled a bit too much today. After coming back from class, I just stopped by the comm hall and listened to Gerry playing on the piano...Well, I chilled about 1 hour at the piano. After that, went back and played two rounds of DOTA with like Ivan, Guo An and Eric. After the game, I played basketball till 7pm. And after that, went out to join Ivan, Jean and Elaine for dinner. And after hopping from restaurants to restautants, we walked back from Holland V to NUS. And its 2:46am liao...

To spend a day in such a way...

I had a dream

Last night I had a dream. There was a piano in front of me. And then, all of the sudden I started playing. Playing impromptu piece, some piece that I have never heard before. It began with a fast and lively music, and then it slowed down to some beautiful clash notes. My fingers were trying to catch up with the tune. When my fingers stopped, I realised the music was still going on. It was in my head. I was not playing it at all. It was such a beautiful tune!

Unfortunately, I woke up, forgetting the tune completely.

I tried playing the piano just now. but it didn't sound half as good as the tune in my dream.

The lady near Sim Lim Tower

No, I'm not talking about a chio bu.

Last Thursday, due to the unavailability of components in the lab, I had to go all the way to Sim Lim Towers to buy an instrumental Amplifier for my EE2001 Project. The breadboard prototyping is next week and I just realised it recently. So, I am quite behind schedule, coz I haven't even bought the components yet.

So, while I was at Rocher road, a lady suddenly tried to call some people but she was ignored. Then while I was approaching, she called me. And (stupidly) I responded.

She came speaking Chinese(for she was not fluent in English) and keep telling me that she doesn't have a job and she had some thyroid problem and her mom was sick. She kept on saying that she wants to tapau meehoon for her brother, sister and mom. Then it occurred to me that she wanted money.

I was quite weary and I was afraid that she might be a cheat, but I cant bear to walk off just like that if what she was telling is the truth. Hence, judging by her shabby appearance and desperate tone of voice and her politeness, I asked her how much she needed. She said she needs $8. So I decided to give her the benefit of doubt and gave her $10 (with a frown on my face) and tried to rush off to Sim Lim to get my components and be done with it.

But after giving her my money, she was so happy and she introduced herself(Which I forgot her name instantly) and asked me my name. I muttered "Victor" which sounded like "peter" or "Bee de" or whatever and tried to rush off and brush her aside. But she kept trying to follow me and tried to talk with me coz she's so happy that someone helped her.

Damn sad...In my pride and arrogance, I didn't even bother trying to remember her name. After her introducing herself, it is evident that she isn't trying to cheat me. She is so genuinely happy that she wanted to talk to me or make friends with me. But I, sadly, am too busy, and too arrogant perhaps, not to try talking to her.

Where is my compassion? Why am I so caught up with my own project that I neglected and despised the poor. Donating $10 is one thing. Treating them with dignity and trying to make friends with them is another thing. She is probably despised by everyone on the streets. I am no different from the rest. Deep down inside, I know that I am too busy to care for other people. My actions made me realise that.

It is really sad to see people in those kind of conditions. It is even sadder to see that there people like me who despised them.

These thoughts went with me throughout the day. And I really regretted my actions that day.

Fear

Today's sermon in church is about fear. Fear is not uncommon to everybody but yet it is seldom addressed. Well, I have my fears also. This fear makes me want to take control of everything in my life.

Have you all ever heard of the story of the disciples of Jesus Christ in the boat? When a storm came, the disciples became afraid and they woke Jesus up on the boat fearing that they might die. Then Jesus, went and rebuked the storm and it became still. That is the story that came to my mind.

Well, most of Jesus' disciples are fishermen. So I guess if they're afraid it really means the storm is great.

Now, drawing back comparisons, it is not like my life is a storm now. In fact, I find myself drifting away in complacency, without any motivation to improve or do good to society.

I'm especially fearful when it comes to relationships (not just the romantic kind of relationships). One thing is for sure, that is to trust in God, knowing that He will provide all our needs. What does it mean? Giving up control and letting things be the way it is?

Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Although I still have lab reports to do, I'll make it a point to make time for other people as well, if they need my help or my company. haha...I have this fear of rejection as well.

September already

I suspect time flies faster in Singapore. Before I knew it, its September. Well, its going to be another eventful month of just chasing the wind in my numerous activities.

I am already year 3, and the reality of it hasn't struck me. Still, I am joining quite a few committees. I'm already in productions and guess which part of productions am I in? That's right - Music again. I'm also in TH band. Well, I'm thinking of joining Hearts as well. Channel some of that energy I have into something good for society.

Yup, Its good to be back here. Some of the Malaysians have just finished work there in Cedar Point. Woa, thats enough of Cedar Point for me. Funny that while I was working there, I wanted so much to come back to study because its much slacker to study. Now, it seems that I'm being caught up with studies and activities that I became cranky yesterday. Lol. So, conclusion, wherever it is, life is not easy.

I used to think that how much more can you suffer there. Having to resort to eating leftover food, going around begging for extra working hours so that I could earn extra money, fighting on to get on the bus just so that I could go Wall Mart, and trying to compete with the supervisor for the tips in the room. So much more... I can say i'm living a fugitive lifestyle in the land of wealth. Its not that I have no money, its just that I wanted more money so that I can afford to travel with my friends after working.

Now, I have a different set challenges. I have to learn how to design and build a ECG monitor for my project. Its not easy. But now, I have the comfort of a nice clean room, unclogged toilets, better and healthier(More oily) food, luxury of time, freedom of being accountable to no one(But God), unconditional financial support from my parents,friends who genuinely seek my welfare, full (and partial) access to a variety of resources and facilities, and a variety of leisure activities to de-stress.
So, what are the reasons i have to sulk and complain about life?

A Summer Fling 9525 Miles Away From Home

"I could not describe my excitement upon the arrival on Los Angeles International Airport (LAX). Everything here was a new experience for me – the airplanes, the toilets, the customs, the shops, the roads (Automobiles travel on the right side of the road), the people, and the weather. Thus, I was wandering around the premise with a childlike ecstasy, wanting to see more and experience new wonders. However, in the midst of these happy experiences, two of my friends who are traveling with me were detained by customs officers and interrogated. Both of them were forced to miss their connecting flight to Cleveland which they later retold their plight with hateful vengeance to us.

Fortunately, our two friends reunited with the group at Cleveland greyhound station. Nobody at that moment dared to ask them what really happened back there at the airport for the fear of arousing anymore unhappiness among the group. Despite all that, the two remained cheerful and even joked about their experience. Well, the truth is, we are so excited in this foreign country that nothing can dampen it.

Due to exhaustion and jet lag, we slept through an otherwise scenic journey to Sandusky. Upon reaching, we were unfortunately separated against our will into different rooms in different apartments. So I had to share a room with two African Americans and a White American. I was initially quite pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of the Americans. They would take the effort to greet us and strike a conversation with us although we were completely strangers.

Getting Used to Life in the Ghetto

“Welcome to the ghetto!” This is what Todd, my roommate told me. It’s already been a week living in the apartments, and I got to know people from completely different backgrounds in my apartment. People partied from night to night, alcohol flowed like water and tobacco fumes choke the corridor. Once a while, visits from the Cedar Point police are normal. It was not anything I experienced before in Singapore. I learn to be more street smart, the dos and don’ts to get you out of trouble. I did not experience anything bad while I stayed there, but some of my friends got their valuables stolen due to carelessness.

Every day, we would persistently inquire at the front desk for vacant rooms so that we could stay together in one room. Eventually, our efforts paid off, much to the relief of the front desk people who had to endure our unrelenting requests. We were moved to on to another place.

Working for Hotel Breakers

Working at Hotel Breakers was quite enjoyable. "

Cedar Point

Above is an excerpt of the $1395 essay that I am working on. A lot of drama happened in US, almost too exciting to tell - the treachery, lies, betrayal, love blossoming, defiance, etc, etc...

I'll leave the other part of the essay for another day.

After the first paper....

So far, I just had my first paper yesterday. Somehow, signals did not seem that difficult as expected. I expected something totally difficult. But surprisingly, I was able to do some questions. Although, answering the questions correctly is a different thing all together.

But to me, this exam period is a happier period compared to the previous semester. Its because of DOTA! Well, actually this exam period is more fun for me because there are more friends during this period. Last semester, everyone just wanted to mug and mug, nobody wanted to do stuff like DOTA or squash, etc, etc...hence, I was really dying of boredom, loneliness and stress last semester. Well, this semester's exam + reading week is filled with activities like DOTA and squash, badminton and food.

Well, some of us have colonized the B2 cozy area and made it our study area. I did go there once. not too bad for studying econs, but not good for studying engineering modules...

Ok..I've 5 papers more to go in the next 4 days.

Yup sounds good doesnt it?

Good Luck for those having exams! (Although , I doubt any sane person would read blogs during the exam period.)

Yes, I also doubt that any sane person would update blogs in the midst of having exams.

Something random

Someone has said, "Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them in our hands, but by following them, as the seafaring man on the ocean, we will reach our destiny."

I'm still young, still relatively sheltered from the harsh reality of the world.
Thats why I'm still idealistic.

Love talk 2

The price of love...

I was reading today and something quite interesting caught my interest.

In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis wrote:

" To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness...The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is hell."

Well, interesting right?

Nothing cost as much as loving - except not loving

Lets talk about love...

Love is patience, as the Bible puts it. But really, how long must I wait for this 'love'?

Right now, I'm just waiting for this 'love'... waiting and waiting...

Well, it was not long ago that I began to long for romantic love again that was after attending a wedding dinner during February. Arrghh...why do I sound like a girl?

Yup, everywhere you look, almost everyone around you are getting attached, like the person who stays opposite me. Haha...

But for me, all I have to do is wait. Why rush to spoil all the fun?
I think I have met this special someone but all I can do is wait. Only time can tell...

But for the moment, why can't I be happy being single?
haha...enough lovey dovey talk, time for real work.

I'm gonna start studying this weekend!!!

Yup, you heard me....

Back from jb

I just came back from jb. Yup, ever since Mas Selamat's escape, the distance between Singapore and JB doubled (Distance in terms of time).

Why did I go back then?

It was a very last minute thing, I had to go back and get all the necessary certs to apply for this DUO-exchange award thingy. And the deadline is 31st MArch. Yup, tmr! talk about procastination.

Whats left now between me and the $4000 euros award is a 500 word essay on 'why am I so interested in this award?'.

So why do I want this award?

Let me explain in terms of econs:
Cost of getting the scholarship: 2-3 hours of paperwork + form filling + essay writing
Pay-offs : up to $1000 euros per month up to 4 months = $4000 Euros!!!
Chances of getting it : close to 2-3%

Anyway, I just found out that Rui Hoong is more last minute than me, because she is applying for the award as well but she hasnt started writing her essay.

my dear VHDL

Well, after lunch today, I've decided to stay back in my room to study for my VHDL pratical test tomorrow (Its a programming language: VHSIC Hardware Description Language ( VHSIC: Very high speed integrated circuits) ) Even the name sounds long and complicated.

I was hiding myself in the room and had much progress in my VHDL until I got the sms from Wei De asking me to help him book the main tv lounge and get the key. 'Oh wells', I said to myself, 'got to do what the boss wants'. So, out I go out of my room, not anticipating the various distractions that await me outside my cozy room.

I've reached the office and to my dismay, Wu Teng has already booked the lounge and took the key. My efforts were futile. And just when I started walking back to my room, my ears picked up a faint music emanating from the comm hall. The sound was so good, I just had to find out who played it. From the top, I could see a girl, but I didn't know who was it. Then I've decided to walk nearer to find out who she is (Which now I realised it was a bad move).

It was Shi Min.(The girl I knew from lights in productions) I didn't know she played the piano, and she played it quite nicely too. It was a nice korean song with nice chords...very nice... Then gerry came along as well. The next thing I knew, I spent the whole afternoon listening to the piano, playing a few pieces here and there and exchanging scores.

And then suddenly, it was dinner time.

Wow, there goes my afternoon....

Well, after dinner its back to VHDL again. But that didnt last long coz at 8pm, I went to play squash with Shu Yan. Yup, after 1 hour of playing, its back to VHDL before the VPU meeting which starts at 10pm.

Now, it is after the VPU meeting, but VHDL can wait....after I finish this blog post...

weekend

Well, I think I didn't really do well for the ee2010 test. Yupz, I didn't know how to do 1 question(there were only 3 questions by the way). Oh wells, its only 10%, I'll work harder for the next 80% (The other 10% is from labs I think).

Well, I spent the remainder of yesterday playing foosball. Yup, thanks to Foo, we only spent $1 for about 30 games...hehe.

Denied the chance of winning $300

Yup. Due to too many participants, I'm not able to enter the pa live awards. Haha...its my fault for deciding last minute also. Oh wells....next year la..if I'm still around.

Today is a day filled with surprises =)

Hope that tomorrow will be better!

Belated Birthday Celebration - Told from my point of view

On the 11th of March, I was tricked to blk D thinking that we go to celebrate wu teng's birthday. Well, I was feeling quite tired from all the wiring and inserting ic chips into my breadboard and I thought maybe I'll go celebrate then quickly retreat to my room and retire for the night.

But I should have known that it was not so simple. When I went there, the first person i met was fung hong and without suspecting anything I was happily talking to him. Although it occurred to me that since when was fung hong so friend with wu teng.

Yup. I did expect something. But I didn't really want it to happen.

And it turned out to be true. They planned to celebrate wu teng's birthday with me.

So they sang a birthday song, we cut the cake and took photos. Is that all? It all seemed too good to be true.

Then

To my horror...

They pounced on me and handcuffed me and wu teng. Then they used a torture device invented by OSIM (equivalent to the electric chair for death penalty) They strapped the contraption on our shoulders and turn on full power sending electric jolts to our body causing involuntary twitching of the muscles.

Then the opportunity came, the straps on wu teng fell off and they begun focusing their attention on wu teng, which gave me the chance to break free. I managed to get out of my handcuffs and ran. haha suckers...

But to my horror, after running a distance, nobody followed me. This sucks...and I was actually stupid enough to turn around and walk back to them - walking back to death.

Ya...they put handcuffs on me again, but this time it was tighter. Then they took a pail full of freezing cold water, drench me from head to toe. That time, my poor heart was suffering shock from that sudden drop of temperature to 4C. My body's temperature regulatory system was working so furiously, making my muscles to contract rapidly, making me shiver. I was clinging on to my life, refusing to let hypothermia take over.

Ok...maybe my story is a bit exaggerated...

hehe...thanks guys anyway

No mood

I have no mood to study...

ya, if there is anything I need right now, that is motivation...

motivation to study...

Even if I have a test tomorrow...

Right now, I just have the motivation to slack..

To help even when it hurts...

How far would I go to help a friend?

In terms of economics, I'm stupid...wasting my time like that...

Well, maybe they might appreciate me or maybe they won't, but as long as it makes a difference...
Like the starfish story which MOE is trying to brainwash people into teaching...

Mid term break

Well, I've been rather unproductive this holidays in terms of academic work. Well, its a break right?

Been going for meetings, playing squash, making trips to fong seng, not to mention going to my 3rd home - editing room.

Hmmm...maybe I'll be slightly more altruistic and help out with the cleaning of the editing room. Ok, actually there is food provided after the cleaning session..hehe.

Last few days I spent a lot. First it was Hogsbreath at vivo, then it was Aston's western food at pgp, then Indonesian panggang (Yes, I consider indo panggang as expansive food). Running out of cash, I need to withdraw some...

Its funny how fast people's feelings change.

Anyways, I'm tired. Nights!

Start Work!

Due to lack of motivation, my work has been lagging behind quite a bit.

But somehow, I still can't find the motivation to study and do work.

Busy Busy Busy...

I think everyone around me is very busy...

This morning after lecture, I saw a group of chem engine students crowded in front of LT6, handing up assignments.

Afternoon, people are busy usual. Rushing to classes, writing essays.

Evening comes, people rush to meetings, meet deadlines, rush essays, attend meetings, do projects.

I'm not that busy now. (Not that I'm not busy, but I feel that others around me are more busy)

My busy time will come soon also...

Sometimes, during nights like this
I feel lonely...

I'm weak, to show that He is strong...

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

This verse has been quoted many times in countless occasions. But do I really believe it? Its harder to believe this when I'm tired and weak.

We all do have a limit, don't we? I'm not near my limit yet, but somehow, certain things overwhelm me recently.

To be able to fly, mount up with wings like eagles. It has been my dreams(There are times when I dream I flew) To be able to fly and soar above everything else...

To be able to run and not feel weary.

To be able to walk and not faint.

Of course these analogies are not meant to be taken literally. But to be able to have that amount of vigour...

I hate late night meetings...

Yeah, especially when I have morning classes the next day.

I'm actually quite weak. 5 hours of sleep isn't enough for me.

I need Sleep!

A feast!!

Chinese New Year just ended for me, and school starts tomorrow. This new year, I really had a feast! (Ya, ya, there goes Victor and his talk about food again...)

Yesterday night, I had a RM600 feast at desaru. Its the most expensive meal I've eaten so far. First dish is yu sheng (A dish which I never eaten before I came to Singapore). After that, it is followed by some herbal soup with fish bladder, sea cucumber, black chicken and some chinese herbs. The soup is pretty thick and it looks rich. Next, some sprouts cooked with abalone in some kind of sauce (I think some superior thick sauce or something). A big steamed pompret fish follows. Along with another dish of some kind of vegetable, mushrooms, squids and scallops. The scallops were big and juicy. After that, we had small lobsters in some thick cream which according to my aunt, is some thick stock made from lobsters( I think). The sauce was so thick and creamy and good. heavenly. Next, there was duck cooked with sea cucmber. After that Chili crabs. The dessert was yam and sweet potatoes in some yellow cream (I think corn syrup) and longans in ice.

The only thing bad about this feast was when I had a stomach cramp while eating the pomfret. It really spoiled my appetite and I couldn't eat the remaining dishes . Well, I did try to eat those dishes sparingly, or else its an utter waste coz most of those things I have never tried in my 21 years.

Well, today I had another feast. I just came back to singapore and we went to a Japanese restaurant and ate sushi and japanese food to our hearts content. My aunt's treat! Yay! For dinner, we went to my uncle's house for some foo chou dishes.

Ya, I really ate till I couldn't eat any more today...

Distracted...

Lately, there are a lot of things on my mind...couldn't really concentrate in tutorials or lectures...

Buck up!

Lately, I've not done a single tutorial. I've skipped some lectures and I've slept through some. Its time I buck up and put more effort in my academic studies.

Well, maybe I was busy, but those are just excuses. I still have lots of free time (for example, time spent blogging this) In addition, the Chinese New Year mood had settled in, and I no longer have the momentum to attend lectures or go for any stuff...

anyways, can't worry about that, I've to go home now. Bye!

Signs of weakness

I've never realised I am so weak.

Yesterday, when the time came, I just ran away in fear. The fear of what others might say or what others might think if I had stayed behind. An act of cowardice. I am still afraid of the same thing I was afraid of since my primary school days - being teased.

After that, my conscience kept bugging me. My weakness overwhelms me.

why am I made so weak? I asked myself.

"To show that God is strong." Came the answer from the movie ' Facing The Giants'.

I am still unable to face the giant called failure, I am bounded by chains called pride, and I am weighed down by guilt.


At least today, I have already accepted that fact and moved on. Anyways, I wanted to play squash for TH. I wanted to go and fight not just sitting on the bench watching KR and SH girls fight each other with one-sided matches At least, let me be defeated by the team members first, then I would be happy to sit on the bench. Gimme a chance T.T

Although I'm weak, I'll grow stronger...

The End!

"...a place...for my dreams...to live...", the last sentence echoes throughout the silent hall, Marianne slumps on the crate and buried her face. The spotlight dims, the music fades, a thundering applause erupts...

The next few moments, the curtains open, the backstage crew, managers, directors, producers, scriptwriter and cast made their way to the stage, and bowed before the blinding spotlight. The thundering applause resounds. Some people made their way to the stage, eager to present flowers or handshakes of congratulations.

Everyone was smiling, thinking, "Its over!".

Some with a tinge of reluctance, sadness, emptiness, muttered "Its over..."

The whole play that took us a few months of hard work has finally served its purpose - to be presented to the audience.

I really hope that everyone that went enjoyed the play. Well, the music as well, of course!

Although I keep bragging about how good the music is, deep down inside, I don't want you all to praise the music by the music team, I just want them to enjoy it.

I got to know some new friends through productions, like the lights people in the sound room. Yeah, both lights and music are essential for the play! Yeah, of course, sets and costumes are also essential too.

I'm glad its over too. I won't be FOOLED into joining productions again next year....
unless, if it is a musical ^^

Update!

Although its just the first week of school, it feels like I've been through another 1 whole semester again. First week has been so busy. Amidst the busyness, I enjoyed every moment of it. I guess it gives me a sense of purpose and something to do.

The number 1 time occupier is productions rehearsals. I've been quite busy editing the songs and going for rehearsals, although sometimes, I dun pay attention to the scenes and I miss my queue.

The number 2 time occupier is squash. I've been playing almost everyday lately, yup, certainly some improvement but there is still a long way to go for me.

Lectures have been quite boring. I've been falling asleep quite a lot.

VPU's pre-ihg video is done and screened, although there are some screw-ups in the screening of the video, I felt I was largely responsible for it...Wei De wasn't too happy with me and the projector team...Hehe

I've played badminton today. I've seen some improvement in my stamina but at the same time, I've made lots of careless mistakes, like hitting the shuttlecock out with my backhand, my accuracy is getting worst. I've been using my arm instead of using my wrists for backhand resulting in more out balls. I guess its the bad thing about playing squash too much.

The one thing that I've been procrastinating a lot is organising a VCF meeting.

Haha...this semester, I dunno somehow, I find certain ppl quite irritating and my patience is reaching its limit. Now I know it feels when I irritate other people with my nonsense. Yup, so I've cut down a lot on the nonsense talking and crapping. If I've nothing better to say, than just dont say it. So, don't be surprised if u find me more quiet than last time.Also, I've made a couple of new friends. Ya, I'm learning to be more sociable. Hehe..

Thats a lengthy update. Got lots of stuff to do tonite.