becoming like Himself

Great People, Normal People

2011-03-06T22:57:00.001+08:00

What really differentiates a great person from normal people? Is it the vision that they have? The execution of their vision? The intense focus they possess? The passion that keeps them moving? The determination to stand up after every fall? Or is it the timing and circumstances they are in?

Those seem like normal things which normal people can do…But to really do it well and better than the rest, I guess that is not so normal after all.

Expensive lesson

2011-02-28T23:29:00.001+08:00

I have learnt my lesson, I should have not spent money on myself. I have lost so much money. No more frivolous spending for me. I guess I have to learn to manage my finances better each day

Remember

2011-02-24T22:32:00.001+08:00

I have been wanting to do many things this year. However, I never got to start on any of it. I exercised for a while and stopped. I read the Bible and stopped. I wanted to do a daily reflection and I stopped. I guess what I lack is discipline and perseverance.

I guess when I felt like I am losing you, I start to treasure you more. So maybe bad feelings and feelings of insecurity makes me appreciate you more =)

In a Holidaying mood

2010-11-30T10:32:00.000+08:00

The feeling of having an income, the security of the job that comes with it, makes me want to spend. Spend, spend and spend. Makes you feel good, considering I haven’t really bought any nice things for myself since a long time. Now, that I have one whole month free, and yet I’m being paid, paid handsomely with bonus as well, for doing nothing, makes me even want to party and splurge.

I am getting materialistic. Yea, who doesn’t like to own stuff and keep them. However, it pays to plan where you spend your money on. So I’m also trying to go into investing.

A little recap of what I have forgotten…

2010-08-30T12:46:00.001+08:00

Love is suffers long and is kind; love does not envyl love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things. hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Too late to start over?

2010-08-26T11:29:00.001+08:00

When I look back at the past few years of schooling I wondered what have i done? What have I achieved? Was life intended to be this way for me? 24 years of not achieving anything. Some people have already made their first 1 million when they reach 21. Some already got married and started a family. Well me? haha who knows?

So this is my journey, the journey to find out what I am supposed to achieve in life…

2010-07-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

This path that I chose isn't going to be easy...

Too naive?

2010-04-19T00:06:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, when you were young, you dream too big? You have your ideals about the world, you have your passion? You want to make a difference. You want to make a change.

What is my dream? What are my ideals?

Sometimes, I think I dream too small…

Lessons learnt

2010-04-15T21:44:00.001+08:00

“We learn more from our failures more than our successes”

If I were to be my own professor and grade my effort and achievements for the this semester, I would have gave an “F”. I am not being modest nor am I too self-judgmental. One thing I have found lacking is focus.

“I need to get a job. But I don’t know which job I want”

“How ar? Anything lar…”

“Am I aiming for first class? Second upper? Or just to pass?”

World affairs? Singapore affairs? Malaysian affairs? School affairs? I do not know nor care about. I am comfortable living in my sheltered sphere for today. Whatever tomorrow may bring let it be, for today, I shall eat drink and be merry. What do I want in life? I do not know. Everything seems fine to me – then I might as well say I want nothing at all.

If only I knew my nonchalant attitude in life would drift me further away from life into mere existence, I would have done something about it. What does it mean to have a life? To have enjoyment? To have purpose? To have a direction or a destiny?

The seemingly murky future lies ahead of me.

Treasuring each moment and giving it back to God

2010-01-31T15:31:00.004+08:00

The past few days had been so enjoyable. I am learning each day to treasure it and to give thanks to God for it.

Last Thursday, I went to the airport to sent Keren's bro off. It was a good seeing Keren again. It was really nice seeing her family as well. However, I felt bad when her grandma and aunt inquired me about the flight tickets. I realised my mistake, I felt guilty, sad, bad and angry at the same time. Nevertheless, I am still thankful that it happened so that I had learnt a valuable lesson - not to be too hasty and a better communication. I don't blame Keren either =) but I'm really thankful she offered to share the blame =)

Last Saturday, we went back to JB again. I must say, I am always so happy to bring her back. Although JB is not a great place, but it feels special evertime we go back. Haha, well at least for me it is special... I am thankful for her understanding and sacrifice. I enjoyed the bowling game with her and the pool game with her. I had to admit that she is a better pool player than me =p But I'm not that bad either right? at least I got my ball in and we fought for the last black ball =) HAHA...I'm looking forward for our next game.

Going back to jb always means watching movies. That is because the price of movies are so much cheaper there. And my sister was so happy going out for a movie too. LOL. She was like so eager to go watch...we went there last minute and we finally watched 'Tooth Fairy' which was a typical feel good movie. I like those kind of movies although people tend to say the ending is so cliche. But I always love a happy ending =)

I went to Keren's church this sunday. It was certainly nice going there because my family enjoyed the experience too. Haha, I am not advocating church hopping here...haha... The message was quite good. As a community, we can achieve more. What are we doing as a community? Are we moving towards a certain direction or are we just meeting up just for no good reason.

Learning to love you more

2010-01-27T16:18:00.003+08:00

Love is patient...even if it means waiting...suffering while waiting...then I have much to learn...

Love does not seek its own...If loving is letting go all and not keeping for myself, then I have much to learn...

Love thinks no evil...if it ever means doubting you, then I have much to learn also

Even if I can't do it, doesn't mean that I'm not trying...just give me some more time...

Will you be able to wait for me?

Eating trip to Melaka

2010-01-17T17:08:00.003+08:00

I just went for an eating trip to Melaka with Keren and her family. To sum it all up, it was a great trip.

The first stop was Yong Peng. Somehow, Samuel had heard of the fishballs in Yong Peng and wanted to eat that. Personally I think the fishballs are quite nice, but not that great either. I got the impression from Keren that she thinks it was ok ok only...haha. But I thing I only remember from this stall is the fried fish cake. They were the best fish cakes I have eaten so far. Yup, apparently they all said it was quite nice too.

After that, we went straight to Melaka town for chicken rice balls. When we got there, there was a long queue in front of the stall under the hot Melaka sun. Well, I think it is just normal chicken rice made into balls only. What is the fuss about it? Why would any sane people queue up in front of the stall? Keren's mum even said that they squeezed the rice balls with their hands, that is why they are so tasty. After we had it, I do agree with Samuel that the chicken was nice. I love the sauce, reminds me of my favourite chicken dish that my grandma used to make.

We walked around the church area of Melaka looking for all the local touristy stuff. More shopping followed after at Dataran Merdeka, the newest and biggest shopping centre in Melaka. But that not before we had some A&Ws. I dunno why singaporeans are so crazy about A&W. Hahaha...we ate somemore of the waffles and float. I feel like a glutton.

We shopped and bought some nice clothes. I also bought my sister a present. She was so smart to ask for an expensive present. I thought roxy bags are cheap but after entering the shop I was enlightened about the truth of roxy prices. Wow...she shouldnt be so branded lar...hahaha

After shopping, we had some nice nyonya dishes. They were quite good but the portions were so small! We must have confused the waitress alot with our ordering, she even ordered the wrong chicken dish for us which turned out to be the one we wanted to order because we couldn't decide on which to order. Lol, I think my sentences are so confusing. Anyways, the business there was so good that they refused to have 2nd orders. I think everyone on the table thinks that the rice there was fantastic. I had 2 big helpings of rice myself while Keren's brothers gobble up the rest of the rice. Thankfully rice was free flow =)

After the nice dinner, we rushed back to JB. I was in cold sweat as Samuel drove 180km/h on the highway. HAhaha...but after Fidelis took over the wheel, the whole car just cant seem so sleep. Everyone was so anxious, worried and afraid because he drove super fast and tailgated the cars in front. Thankfully, we had a safe but noisy trip back =)

Thanks for inviting me for your family road trips. I really enjoyed it.

Busy Buzzy Bee

2010-01-13T19:13:00.002+08:00

I think lately I am busy as a bee. Although for many it is only the first few days of school, I felt like I got so many things to do yet so little time to complete it and so little energy to carry it out.

Thanks to one whole month of procrastination, my FYP project has a lot of things to settle. Likewise, for VCF as well, I realised I have so many things I have not done. I guess many in the exco were disappointed with my performance because they expected much more. Well, I also felt that I could do more.

Ok, shall not waste time anymore, I shall start work!

Last few days of the year

2009-12-29T10:54:00.002+08:00

The past few weeks have been quite good weeks. In fact I must say that the whole year has been great for me. For me, year 2009 has been a good year. The first half of my year, I spent in the Rhone-alps region in Lyon. Everything in France seem so far away although it has only been recently.

For the past few weeks, I have gotten to know Keren and her family much better. I am thankful that I am accepted by them. I really appreciate the time we spent together and all other times not spent together.

I admit I could have done more for VCF. I once thought I knew what I wanted. But after taking it up, I do not know already. I guess I'll just have to pray.

School has been busy as usual. However, I am still lacking effort in my final year project. I should have put in final year student effort for my final year project.

The only regret I have for 2009 is that I did not get to know my hall people better. SEP had changed my impression towards hall and the hall life. I started becoming more 'phantom' like a typical final year student.

Christmas

2009-12-26T10:07:00.000+08:00

Christmas this year was different and more special to me. Keren came and visited me. I really appreciate her coming down to support my choir during Christmas. It was really fun having her here too. I really enjoyed just spending time with her. Haha, we watched a few movies (so that mish and grace wont say that we are so boring). Brought her shopping and just hanging around in the house slacking. It was sad to see her go, but I guess she is quite tired already, although she keeps telling me she's not tired =p

Nevertheless, I really thankful and happy for you being able to come and visit me =) Thanks for your Christmas present too!

I will stop procrastinating tomorrow

2009-12-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

I think I shall blog tomorrow...

Anyways, on the side note, I'm learning to see from different perspectives.

Remember

2009-12-18T18:39:00.000+08:00

Since coming back from France, I have been drawn into the whole dynamics of a healthy busy university lifestyle. Hardly have I felt the need to just stop and remember and reflect. I have tried to stop and reflect at the end of the day for a few days, I have made a few resolutions of reflection and reevaluation but I failed to keep it. I even requested Keren to do it with me but many times I forget to do it myself. I hope she's still doing it =) and I will resolve to do it from now onwards.

The theme of this camp was quite appropriately chosen because it is something we often choose not to do. We often choose to forget the past because it may be painful. Well for me, pain did not keep me from remembering but rather it was laziness. To a certain extent, I live life at the present.

Claire Bennet in Heroes once said, 'We have to remember who we were before we know who we want to be'. That phrase make sense to me. Yup, so I'll start my journaling today. Pick up the pieces from the past. I learnt that the God of the Bible does really emphasize a lot on remembering, listening, learning, teaching and obeying.

Help me remember.

Insecure

2009-09-12T10:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i just need to grow up......need to let go.....not close myself in....

The beginning of school life

2009-08-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

The past few weeks have been quite busy for me. Though it may seem hectic, I was enjoying myself for the past few days.

The retreat at Grace's house was quite enjoyable. It really helped me to learn more about this 'Integral Mission' or 'IM' that the exco has been talking about. After so many years of my life, I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and share more about my life. I think I really surprised myself by sharing one of my commitments this semester is to begin a relationship. I was trembling then as I shared more about my personal life. Yup my first step.

I was quite nervous when I went to meet you at dhoby ghaut the other day. The feeling was a bit mixed: excited and nervous. I somehow felt quite comfortable around you. Time suddenly passed and soon I'll meet your friends. I dreaded that moment at first. It was a bit awkward at first when I wasn't introduced. Anyways, that really was my first time going out by the way.

It was quite nice meeting you again for the 2nd time in the week. I really enjoyed window shopping at orchard. I don't really like shopping but for last Sunday, the time just flew past. Hopefully and prayerfully I hope things will work out fine and meanwhile I'll just be patient and let time take its natural course.

Holidays are coming to an end...

2009-07-31T09:58:00.000+08:00

Since I came back from France, I have been making regular trips back to Singapore. I find that the holidays are indeed much busier than during the semester. But I have a feeling that I'm going to take back my previous statement about the holidays being busier because I'm about to go through my final year in NUS.

Yes, I've been anticipating attending lectures in English! I want to have the free time during the semester! I have only bidded for 3 modules in CORS. But I need to wait for my results in France to determine whether I still need to take that particular module. My friend just told me he failed the module. So, I have a feeling I failed too because I was in the same project group and both of us did practically nothing for it.

Next week I shall officially move in to Temasek hall and stay there during the week. No more making trips to Singapore and coming back to JB.

Updates..

2009-07-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

I went for my first and last VCF Freshman Orientation Camp (FOC) last week. I was quite sick then. While I was signing up for it I was secretly hoping that they would not allow me to attend the camp coz I was having sore throat and flu. Now the camps have a lot of H1N1 regulations. Haha, the only reason I attended this camp was because I was in the exco.

The first day was not that bad. When I just arrived, I was wearing the wrong color. Apparently the OGLs are supposed to tell the group wat color to wear, I didnt receive the sms (Well, it was because I signed up on a Friday and the camp starts the following Monday) So, I was in brown when everyone else was in black.

But somehow on of the OGL recognised me and said "you're Victor right?" I was a bit surprised, the OGLs dun have my name in the group. Somehow, she said you were in Anntic camp right? Haha...Not bad people actually do recognise me =) Anyways, she also shared once during the sharing that anntic camp was quite good. Haha...I guess I'll share this with the next anntic comm people.

Anyways, I met my 2 of my exco members during the icebreaker games in the camp. One of them was like "Oh! So you're the Victor in Exco!!". Well that is because I never attended a single exco meeting till now.

So, during the games sessions, I was like playing like crazy. Our group actually did cheers. I was quite high also while playing hai dai hai dai. The trick was to shout super loud and scare the other party. So I tried and I shouted quite loud at my OG mates. Then they made me a secret weapon and wanted to play me against girls only. Then, when my turn came to play with a girl, the girl in the opposite girl told me to be gentlemanly. And everyone won against me coz when I couldnt bear to shout at those girls coz they look so small and fragile. LOL....

I learnt quite alot from the freshies during the discussion sessions. They were so optimistic and so idealistic. Yup, I got to learn more from their positive outlook. They all seem so eager to enter their uni life and live it for God. If only I had their convictions. hahaha...

For the last day of the camp, I participated in the group skit. I was told to be dressed as a muscle man. It was quite embarassing. I really didnt want to do it. But some some voice was telling me, "just try it once. It is your last chance coz it is your final year". Usually, I always play a low profile part in my skit. Haha...although embarrassing our group won and because we had family values in our skit.

Yup, I can say in this camp, I bonded quite well with my groupmates. Looks like in the end, although I went to the camp reluctantly, I left it reluctantly also. Haha.. I had fun.

PS: Ok I've updated my blog, now it is your turn =)

I love exams!!

2009-06-23T01:52:00.000+08:00

Well, today's exam was one of those kinds...the kind where no matter how much you study, it does not make any difference. No matter how many past year paper you do, no matter how many tutorials u went, no matter how many times you have read the textbook, you still would not know how to do the exam questions.

Wow, that was what I thought about today's exam. To think about it, I should have played the whole weekend and not study since I know that even if I had studied I would not know how to do it. But nevertheless, I gave my best shot. I'm not too worried about it, considering that exchange students hand up their papers to a different pile (A more lenient one, I hope). I heard from another exchange student that he passed this paper with just 5 points! =)

ok...back to the books...it is not over yet...

Wake me up when june ends...

2009-06-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

My eyes are getting redder after staring at this screen since morning. Yup, do not get me wrong, I was not playing computer games or going online or watching movies. I was doing my project. Yup, typing the technical part of my project from scratch. Haha, I think I did quite a lot already, enough to make my groupmates feel happy that I'm their groupmate! Hopefully la...because it has always been me being a burden to the group rather than helping them.

Yup, I had done enough constructive work today, so much that there are more work done today alone then the work done for my whole semestre here in france before today. Such is my feeling and such is what I'm willing to exaggerate. Wow! A sense of accomplishment. During my breaks I did not even play games but studied for my upcoming exams. Wow...Victor, I'm impressed (Haha...sorry I started praising myself) Ok, the report is getting very boring and tedious now...

At times like this, how i wish someone would come online and disturb me. But usually it never happens. Might be due to the time difference. But oh well, I might be lucky sometimes. Tired, tired...I accidentally fell asleep just now. I just wandered to my bed and then without realising I was dozing off...haha...I might just fall asleep today and not wake up till my presentation ends...

2009-06-10T23:36:00.001+08:00

This is the first time I got angry with my group mates. I was angry to the extent that I accidently broke the piezoelectric source used to power the circuit. Haihs, I can't believe I let anger get the better of me. we have only 2 more days to hand in the report also and 4 more days till the presentation of the circuit.

Dun even feel like going out to eat dinner. Just feel like packing my dinner and shutting myself in the room and sleep...yea..I lack sleep, must be it...

Rain rain come again...

2009-06-09T05:34:00.000+08:00

I love it when it is raining at night...

I love it especially while doing my revision because I can look out from my window, from time to time and watch the rain drops on the puddles. I'm sipping a cup of hot chocolate now in my warm room. Surprisingly, there is not a single shop here that sells milo. If there have been one, I would be savouring it rather than this hot steaming cup of hot chocolate.

I made my hot chocolate extra sweet, sweeter than the milo made in mamak stalls. I'm not a sugar addict, but when it comes to studying, I prefer to "nourish" my poor hardworking braincells. The sweetness keeps me awake too.

I love it when I watch the trees swaying in the wind, the howling of the wind, the beating of the heavy raindrops and when the thunder roars in the middle of the night. I love it because of this shelter, protecting me from the unmerciful storm. Having a place to stay and to shelter me from the rain really is such a wonderful thing.

Why has it been raining these past few days? This does not depict summer properly. Where are the clear blue skies? I love the clear blue skies too. Pure blue stretching from end to end. It gives me the feeling of freshness, openness and hopefulness.

It has been cold these few days. I'll be needing my faithful jacket again which I had abandoned at the start of summer.
Sometimes, while studying late at night, we seem to ponder on the most simplest things in life.
I wonder why...

To go or not to go?

2009-05-27T05:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I don't understand my parents. Actually most of the time I don't. Last year while choosing the date of my return flight from Lyon to Singapore, I wanted to come back earlier but my dad said, "Just put it on the 10th July, like that you have more than 1 week to travel around Europe".

So now, after telling my parents my plans to travel to Budapest and to Berlin and to Barcelona, they suddenly feel uneasy.

"Who are you going with?"

"No one" I replied

"What!!? No friends?? All your friends in London, in Germany and those in France? Go traveling with them!"

"They have already gone back home. Most of them are not around."

"How about those people in France?" asked my dad

"Some have exams. The others don't want to go with me."

"Eh, traveling alone ar....You want to come back earlier?"

"What?! You last time said I should stay for 1 more week to travel. Now, you say come back?"

"I thought you have friends to travel with mar.."

"I came here alone, didn't I?"

"Aiya, I leave the decision to you la.."

"If you leave it to me, I'll be traveling then"

"Got other friends or not? Travel within France la. Go Paris?"

"Paris is not safe lo...France is in fact not as safe as the other countries"

"You decide lo..."

Sighs...this is always the strategy he uses...make me feel guilty. I guess they also miss me alot. But if not now, when??

Yeah, Budapest is not safe but it is still safer than JB. Berlin is not safe either, but it is still safer than London or Paris.

Cusiner

2009-05-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

Cooking, that is what I had picked up here in France. I never cook at home, never touched raw meat, and never cooked anything besides pasta and instant noodles. Somehow, 5 months of being in France had changed me about the art of cuisine.

I'm still far from mastering culinary arts. I have experimented on various dishes and invited friends to join me for meals. This week, I had like a few people coming over to my place to eat on weekends. This is (I guess) the response to my complaint about feeling lonely here in Lyon last weekend. Somehow, I find that this weekend filled with activities and I enjoyed cooking and cooking for them.

Nostalgia

2009-05-12T20:13:00.000+08:00

It was only a year ago, at this same day, that I went to US with a group of my friends for work and travel. Somehow, last night, lying upon my bed, the memories of it all flooded my mind. It was indeed an experience. How would I describe it? Describing it as 'good' seems superficial because it leaves out many things. On the other hand, saying that it was 'bad' is not appropriate either. It was truly an 'indescribable experience' as Wendy had put it(Although he meant it as a negative sense).

Ironic. While I was there, towards the end, I was so glad leaving. I wanted to leave everything there, the place, the fellow colleagues, the friends, everything. But somehow, last night, I began to think about them, somehow, suddenly, I missed them...I remembered the good times I had with them. Eating lunch everyday in the canteen with the same group of friends. We were always bragging about our tips and complaining about our workloads. I remember us going for roller coaster rides after our work. And how Utt and I will take the front row with hands up. Yes, and later when the Taiwanese came and how they were quite nice to me. LOL, I realised that I have many friends in Taiwan as well.

I wonder how my host family is doing. Wendy and I used to go visit them and talked about inheriting their boat or their red mustang convertible. But sadly, she never called us after we had rejected going to her daughter's graduation party. Well, there goes our boat.

Me, Wendy, Jenny, and her son(I forgot his name)

All the memories...

LOVE STORY (Taylor Swift) meets VIVA LA VIDA (Coldplay) - Piano Cello - by Jon Schmidt

2009-05-12T04:22:00.001+08:00

Quite a nice song! I really like the way they play it. But this is definitely a pre-recorded edition, at 3:26 background voices start coming and and at 4:26 the crashing cymbals followed by the bells followed by the string quartet. Correct me if I'm wrong. Such an ingenious arrangement...kk when I go back home, I shall attempt to play this song...haha..note: "attempt"...

when wandering eyes grow weary...

2009-04-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

Since when I was young, I pursued whatever fascinates me. I went for popularity with my friends, academic results, excellence in sports, excellence in computer games, playing musical instruments, etc, etc...

Somehow, now in my later stages of University life, I realised I had no real vision. I was just going with whatever I like at the moment. For example, last time I wanted to go overseas so much that I wanted to go for an exchange. And then, suddenly now, I find myself here in Lyon.

So, what am I supposed to achieve here? Travel around and see the world? Learn a new language? Adapt to a foreign lifestyle? Educate myself with their education system? Make new friends? Take more photos at tourist attractions?

Why did I even take engineering in the first place? Since I was young, I had only one ambition drilled in my mind, to be a doctor. (probably due to the influence of my parents who always wanted me to be a doctor) In the end, electrical engineering, and that was according to what my father had suggested. Whether I like it or not, I would say, no not really. I don't hate it also except when the work given becomes unreasonable.

The point I'm getting to is, I'm doing everything right now according to what I wanted(or had wanted at a certain point in time). There is no fixed vision, there is no direction, just going wherever my wandering eyes land on.

I came across this poem recently...

Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus,

I've lost sight of all beside,

So enchained my spirit's vision,

Gazing on the crucified.

A wish

2009-04-21T04:07:00.000+08:00

One day a boy from a very poor family found an old oil lamp. Knowing what to expect with childlike fantasy, the boy rubbed it with eager anticipation. And behold, a genie appeared but unfortunately he could only grant one wish.

"What do u mean one wish? Aren't you supposed to give me three wishes?" exclaimed the boy indignantly.

"My one wish could give you anything you ever wanted or imagined. The only catch is, I will only grant it if you really want it, badly." affirmed the genie.

Without hesitation, the boy demanded "I want all the riches in the world! I really need it badly! I need it to feed my starving brothers and sisters!"

With a snap of his fingers, the genie filled the entire cave (the cave was very big) with so much gold that the boy could not bring himself to believe it. He euphorically grabbed a few coins, his heart pumping wildly with tears of joy. And with another snap, the gold disappeared, to his utter horror.

"What is the meaning of this?!" shouted the boy bitterly. "You said that you'll grant me one wish!"

"I told you, I will only grant it to you if you want it badly." replied the genie calmly. "Oh I'm hungry, get me some food and then I'll see whether you really want you wish. Oh ya killing me or forcing me won't do any good, I'm too powerful." he added seeing the boy's murderous eyes.

"I'm struggling even to feed my brothers and sisters at home let alone buy you some food. Forget it!"

"Its a pity...Forget about your wish then..."

The worst thing that can ever happen was to have your heart's deepest desire clutched firmly in your hand only to let it slip through your iron like grip seconds later. That was what he felt, the boy had no choice but to listen to his demands. He reasoned that a meal in exchange for a vast amount of riches is still a reasonably good deal. So he went back tried desperately to find means of getting some food.

He did all sorts of odd jobs and eventually brought back some food to the genie. Each time, he will say "See, I have brought you what exactly what you have wanted. I really need the money!" But each time after eating, the genie was not satisfied and demanded for more exotic food. Each time, the boy got more angry but reasoned with himself that the exchange would still be worth it. And each successive time the boy became more obsessive. He worked harder and traveled to even more distant lands to acquire it and got various famous cooks to prepare it, even from cooks of the Sultan's kitchen, cooks from the Eastern Emperor's kitchen to the cooks from the barbaric nomads in the furthest deserts and to the cooks of pirates sailing the seven seas every meal according to the genie's demand. That was his obsession with the glimpse of salvation, a possibility of freeing him and his family from the never-ending cycle of poverty.

30 years passed and the boy(Actually he already grew into a man, but for identification sake, I'll refer to him as 'the boy') kept bringing back various food according to the ridiculous demands of the genie. One day, the boy finally could not take it anymore and unleashed his anger on the genie.

"I HAD ENOUGH!!! EACH TIME I BRING YOU WANT YOU WANTED YOU KEPT DEMANDING FOR MORE! IF IT WERE NOT FOR THOSE RICHES, I WOULD HAVE JUST GOT RID OF YOU!! SEE, ISN'T THIS PROOF OF THE EXTENT OF HOW MUCH I WANT IT! I HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!"

As though as the genie was expecting this since a long time ago, he said, "Yes indeed, I've seen how much you have wanted it." After waiting for him to calm down the genie resumed:

"Now look at yourself. Do you realize how much possessions, livestock, servants, properties, artworks and wealth you have acquired since the day you had met me? Do you realize how much you and your family had climbed up the social classes in your society? Do you realize how much fame you have achieve by your various feats of obtaining rare delicacies? Do you realize how much respect you have gained from common folk and nobility? Do you know that you are the richest person living now and will be for the next 1000 years? Do you still want your wish now?"

Like being awoken suddenly from a dream, it dawned upon the boy that every word of the genie was true. His obsession had blinded him for more than 30 years so much so that he didn't realised that gradually he accumulating riches to the extent that no one except him has ever been able to achieve.

Then, without a word, the boy walked towards the genie, took the lamp, flung it along with its host into the deepest depths of the cave and left.

Do you hear me?

2009-03-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

Do you hear me talking to you?
across the water,
across the deep blue ocean,
under the open sky?

Do you hear me in your dreams?
you who dream about flying without wings?
Do you feel my whispers across the sea?
under the starlit night sky?

Do you hear me in my letters?
put into bottles and tossed into the sea,
carried by the waves,
finding its way to you?

Do you hear me playing you a song?
can you hear my voice?
can you imagine its tune?
filling the air

Are you aware that I'm thinking of you?
trying to talk to you,
trying to sense your thoughts,
trying to reach you without words?

Not an easy task...

2009-03-25T18:03:00.000+08:00

I've just made my life more difficult today. During my telecommunications module, we were briefed about this project which would require coming up with the working model, report and presentation of it. So, the lecturer wants us to be in groups of 3-6 people.

Well, my lab partners offered me and my fellow exchange student friend to join their group. But my friend was reluctant to join because the group will be shortchanged if two exchange students are in it. Also, my lab partners are not really as brilliant as the other groups because we always struggle in our lab reports. Well, I also told him that if he joined us, he will be pulled down by our grades also (Which I shouldn't have said). So he joined the other group of 6 people.

Now, my group consists of 3 people including me, the exchange student, who struggles to understand french, let alone understanding the concepts being taught. So, I don't really count as a member. And that leaves just the 2 of them in this project! And during labs, I'm the most useless member because I cannot contribute anything to the group other then spotting simple calculation errors. Shouldn't have told my friend to join the other group because 4 people is obviously better than 3 even if it is another exchange student. Haha...but it is not good for him, although it would be slightly better for us. So now, we have to complete a workload of 6 people for my 3 person team.

I guess I have to start putting in twice the effort(or maybe triple or quadruple). I mean it is good that they consider me as a member(although I dont contribute to anything and I have a feeling I always pull the group down). Now, I guess its time to try help them in any way, because this time, I might cause them to get bad results for the module. I wanted to get just a pass, but I think I shouldn't let this attitude of mine affect my members.

Aiks, I guess I have to sacrifice my free time (and traveling time, perhaps =/) and do more research...busy busy...
and I need the strength to do this...

when time stood still...

2009-03-24T06:10:00.000+08:00

There is this pendulum in the Pantheon at Paris which tells the time. Suspended 67 metres from above, the golden ball oscillates periodically around a circle, indicating time.

The mechanism behind this pendulum is simple. Its plane of oscillation remain unchanged with respect to the stars. The only thing that moves is the Pantheon, or in fact is the Earth itself. The Earth rotates around the pendulum or the Pantheon moves along the pendulum making it seem as though the pendulum is moving in a circle within the Pantheon.

Once a while, we become like this pendulum - we detach ourselves from the ground of reality hanging on to the thread of escapism, wishing that time would pass us by while we go along this fix trajectory of what we want our lives to be.

We delude ourselves that we are not moving while the fact is that even if we refuse to move, our surroundings will change and we'll be changing with respect to it, though unwillingly and unknowingly.

Time just marches on relentlessly.

Football Part 2

2009-03-17T07:18:00.001+08:00

We went to Stade de Gerland on Saturday evening for an Olympique Lyonnais match. Unsuspectingly, we walked around the empty stadium just to realise: maybe, there might not be a mtach today... and it turned out that the match was postponed to Sunday. LOL, and we thought maybe the fans are not here yet or maybe its like the S-league or M-league where no one goes to.

the empty grounds of Stade the Gerland against the sunset

So, here we are, on Sunday at the stadium where the first thing we noticed was: It was very crowded. That's more like a football match!

Olympique Lyon fans

Juninho taking the free kick. look at the crowds at the stadium...

Crowded...

As usual, we can't help ourselves, must take photos!!!

Football!!

2009-03-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, we went out to watch a football match between Olympique Lyon and Auxerre. When we reached there, we found out that the match was postponed to today. So, what we did was to visit the olympique lyon store and bought some team merchandizes. And some of them bought a football. So, what happened in the end, we played football on some street near the stadium. Haha...talk about total randomness.

So, we played another round of football today right after my lunch. I think I ate my lunch too quickly because my stomach is feeling funny now. I suspect it is gastric...lol...Haha...in about 15 mins time, I'll be going for the football match...

Reveries and Passion

2009-03-13T07:01:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a concert held at l'Auditorium de Lyon. It was a performance by the Orchestre National de Lyon on the topic of 'Reveries and Passion' (Dreams and Passion). It does remind me of how I used to go for free concerts in NUS. I dont have that luxury anymore.

Two pieces were played before the half time interval. One was about the roman carnival, the other is an organ concerto. I forgot about the first piece maybe because it seems so classical but the second piece gave me the impression of a nightmare, rather than dreams. It was a contemporary piece composed in 1995.

I was amusing to hear various comments from my friends who went. Patrick was saying that he felt so uncultured because he cant appreciate it. He remarked that he saw one guy sleeping next to him and the old lady covering her ears throughout the whole orchestra piece. Yoke Hian was like saying the composer of the modern piece was so brilliant and the emphasis was on rhythm and how the notes fill...haha...he's known to be very cultured. (who usually gives us tour guides around museums). Elvin was remarking on the irregular rhythm also and he used to play in the percussion section in his symphonic band. No wonder...haha

Overall, I enjoyed the performance, although I will not probably listen to their pieces for a 2nd time. When I go back to NUS, I'll catch all the free concerts while I can =)

Finding the dustbin

2009-02-14T05:28:00.000+08:00

After eating our galette, a speciality dessert of Perouge(a medieval city in France), we wanted to find a dustbin to throw our paper bags from the dessert. We kept finding till we arrived at the entrance of the cemetery. We still could not find it. Since, we are already at the entrance of the cemetery, Tai Qin and I decided to go in to the cemetery for a walk.

It was quite interesting, it was actually the first time I ever went into a cemetery. In the cemetery, there were various graves: some families buried together, some buried alone, some graves had flowers, others had withering flowers, some even have no flowers at all. Some graves were remembered, visited, some had been abandoned, forgotten. Some other graves have the French flag as a symbol of their contribution to the war, some had fire fighters plates, one had a beautiful poem, others had faded words. Some died at a ripe age of 83, some died young even as young as 8.

Each stone had a story to tell, for each one had lived on earth, had interacted with other people and surely in one way influenced other people. What was the story? What will it be for those who are still living?

After walking through once, we returned to the entrance of the cemetery and voila! It was there! We had found the dustbin. It has been always there at the entrance of the cemetery. It is just that we did not notice it. It is only after having our perspective changed, that we suddenly realized its presence.

So I guess life is somewhat similar. We often never realised the things that we are looking for are just right in front of us, staring into our faces. Probably after reflection and comtemplation of other people's life, and having our perspective changed, we only can find it.

Weekend Cycling

2009-02-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

Lately, there is this craze among the 'Singaporeans' here in Lyon about cycling. The case is simple: A bicycle renting company, known as 'Velo' rents bicycles at automated machines all around Lyon. The charges are 1€ per hour and 2€ for the 2nd hour. But for the first 30minutes, its FREE!!!

So, the deal is - we can cycle to anywhere within 30 minutes and park the bicycles at the nearest station, we could save 1,60€ on trams and metros. If the given destination is too far, we have to park our bicycles and wait for 10 minutes before renting out another bicycle.

A huge Velo station near Part-Dieu

So we cycled in the rain to the Musee Des Beaux Arts. Of course, being cam whores, we did what we must do - take pictures!!

Hamon taking Kartik's picture in front of the Plate 'Musee Des Beaux Arts'

Me trying to imitate the sculpture in the museum courtyard

We had our personal tour guide, Yoke Hian, who took 3 semesters worth of Arts History to guide us through the renaisance paintings to baroque era and then romantic era, surrealism, impressionism and finally the modern 20th century art.

Some of the pictures were huge...as illustrated above

After that, we cycled to the cinema to watch an American movie with a french title and subbed french subtitles. Great way to learn French

After the show, it was snowing!!! Yeah!

Captured in snow...

A free day at Louvre!!

2009-02-04T05:45:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, the entrance for le Musee du Louvre was free. Being an opportunist, I went to Paris a day earlier than planned just to coincide with that day. After traveling for 2 hours and a half, I reached Louvre.

Notice the inverted pyramid has rainbows in it just like multiple prisms. Notice also the crowd.

This is the Grand entrance of Louvre. The famous pyramid. This is were I ate my lunch also.

Do not get me wrong, the subject here in this picture is not the Mona Lisa. It is the people scrambling to take a picture of the Mona Lisa. Being the most valuable painting here, it was guarded by 2 guards behind a bullet proof glass and partitioned by wooden barriers to prevent people from getting too near.

More people trying to take the picture of the Mona Lisa...

Yes, the subject of my pictures are the people. The big museum was crowded, crowded and more crowded. I didn't finish even one section of Louvre for my whole afternoon. When my friends said they gone through Louvre in 3 hours, I couldn't believe it...

Haha...anyways, it was a good experience. Although the place was extremely crowded (and I saw so many Asians... Is this Paris or is this like Asia?) I think everyone had the same idea of visiting the Louvre-when it is free.

Une Manif !

2009-01-30T04:14:00.000+08:00

'Un grève', 'une manifestation', 'une manif' means strike, or a protest. If you haven't experience any of these, you have not experienced France.

There was a strike today (again!), the trams and the metro is not working. So, while I was walking, I saw this big group of people. Someone was making a speech.

After that, a group of people started marching towards the main road. Haha...

There was one classmate who can't make it to school because of the strike. The other canteen in the school also closed down, resulting in longer queues and much less food. Even dinner today was dismal compared to the other days.

Snow at Lyon

2009-01-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

It snowed in Lyon. Although it was just a bit, it was a new experience for me. Here are some random pictures as I begin my first week in Lyon.

Me and Kartik

Me and Teijo outside "Les Humanités" - where we have french lessons

a frozen water cooler

Me and Elvin in front of some random building

My camera captured snow. I didn't even realise it was snowing then....

C'est ma résidence en Lyon

2009-01-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

I was so anxious to get to my campus that I didn't want to take any photos on the way. Since coming here, I have to strain my ears more than usual to pick out words that I actually understand. So thankfully, I've managed to check in with the university and settle down.

When I got the room, I was so excited about it. Here's a glimpse of it:bed

desk

fridge with kitchen stove

shower

and private bathroom..

more compartments

door

wardrobe

The room was so big that it needed 2 heaters. It has lan cables and tv cables and a phone. Actually it is meant for 2 persons. but my other roomie hasn't check in yet. So, I'll continue enjoying the room till he comes...haha..

Floating around...

2008-12-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, the holidays are coming to an end. And after reflecting, I haven't done anything at all during this break. Time is wasted.

It feels like I'm just floating aimlessly. No target to achieve. No interest in things. Just continuous existence.

Finding Meaning in a Meaningless World

2008-12-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

That is basically what the theme of Anntic camp was about. It is not pessimistic in a sense that the world is meaningless, but it shows that there is indeed meaning in this world that seems so twisted and warped.

The committee has planned it for half a year. Now it is over. While planning, I wished it was over soon. But when its over, I wished it wasn't. I really enjoyed the camp though I was quite busy. I learnt quite alot from the speakers, from peers and even from working with one another in the comm.

Its like a feeling that I've lost something, now that its over. Haha...

Hi

2008-11-26T17:19:00.000+08:00

One thing worst than being anxious during exams:

2008-11-18T01:13:00.001+08:00

Giving up

One thing worst than giving up:

Apathy

In the thinking mood...

2008-11-07T01:39:00.001+08:00

Well, I guess when we become smarter and more intellectual, things that seemed simple becomes strangely complicated. Why aren't things simple?

I guess that is the grief of wisdom.
'For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.' Ecc 1: 18

Well, it is good to think and thinking ability is God given and distinguishes us from animals (And distinguishes first class honors graduates (smart ppl) with the rest...) Ok, before we start another debate on whether first class honors students are smart or not, lets take time now just to stone and slack...thinking rerquires effort

Ok Lets be random...

Oh hey, there is this song which reminds me of Cedar Point.This is because they always play this song in the employee's cafeteria during lunch time. Haha...

Yeah...being charitable means more work

2008-11-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

Alright..time to start working on my lab reports and projects. This final 3 weeks will be my busiest ever...Also, anntic stuff has to be settled too...

Well, the trip to the hospital was quite a good experience last Saturday, even though it was such a nice rainy cool Saturday morning.

The old lady seemed to be ever optimistic about life and I'm quite surprised when I asked her how she like the food there and stuff, she said "makan di sini sedap!"... "Sini saya happy juga..." LOL...I think we youngsters are even more pessimistic than her.

Sometimes, I wonder whatever that we have done that day does really make a difference. To me, it is just some simple(a bit silly) games. Even if they do enjoy the games, we are just providing temporal relieve and happiness...

We're not solving their problems. We are just injecting a dosage of happiness to them.

When a friend/enemy called 'Problem' comes knocking(in an urgent and violent manner) on my door...

2008-10-30T16:28:00.001+08:00

I mean, who doesn't have problems?

Well, as a Christian, there are so many Bible passages which talks about letting God solve your problems, e.g. 'Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you',..., 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest.',..., 'Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you'...

Yesterday, Ivan was sharing in cg about how we could go to God first with our problems because He is the person who could solve all problems.

Saying is easy, but doing it is rather difficult, especially when it comes to pressing problems that affect me emotionally. Sometimes, problems do become enslaving. Surely I believe that God can solve all my problems. So why am I still being controlled by it when I have already submitted it to God?

Does God really hear me when I pray, or am I just talking to the wall? How I know that God is listening or am I just psyching up myself to believe it? How come I don't really feel God's presence? Am I really believing that God is much bigger than my problems? How do know God will answer? Or I'm just afraid that the answer God provides is not the answer I want? Doubts are always there...

I guess it boils down to faith in God. It is not based on feelings. But by believing. And that is not easy, when everything around seems to say the other thing, and when emotions clouds and overwhelms rationality. Even sometimes rationality seems to tell me the other thing, logic and common sense opposes as well...how to have faith??

So I guess faith in the person develops when we get to know the person more...So I guess I still need to know a lot more about God...

Round and round the hamster wheel...

2008-10-27T15:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like a hamster. Like this one above ^ (Cute right?)

What I like doing best? Running in the wheel!! Like this one ^
Huh?

Well, if you think its another random post...

You're right!!

The past few weeks, particularly last week, I was struggling quite a bit with my project. The results were devastating, demoralizing, discouraging, ... (Sorry, I've a limited vocabulary...)

ECG works fine normally, but does not function during CA

To sum it up: It sucks!

I've been so discouraged by it that I tried to escape from, avoid it, run away from it, only to meet it again this week.

Not only that, there are so many other commitments...So many things...

Just like the hamster on the wheel - it is running as fast as it could, but in the end, it is still in the cage. It can't escape it...Sounds sad right?

What I've been reminded from Ecclesiastes (A depressing book in the Bible, which also happens to be anntic's theme book this year):
'For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.' (1:18)
'Then I saw wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. Yet I myself perceived that the same event happens to them all...For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, since all that now is will be forgotten in days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool!'(2:13-16)

Ok some of you might become defensive and start arguing about it. Sorry to sound so cynical. Even the author of the book Ecclesiastes does sound cynical and yet contradicting at times...Just like our human nature - full of contradictions

Are we not trying to find meaning in life?? Aren't we trying to fill our lives with things that we think are precious??

I've been running away for the past week...Playing more dota, going out enjoying myself, going back home, idling, sleeping...

Only to find out that I'm just running round and round the hamster wheel.

One thing i'm going to find out - which many Christians claim - a life lived for God brings much joy and meaning...

A broken and contrite heart...

2008-10-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Ps 51:17

Random post for the week...

2008-10-15T12:59:00.000+08:00

This week has been busy. Submission deadlines and new projects and labs to come. The list seems endless. All these work coupled by hall activities: Band rehearsals, sports training, vcf, hearts, etc, etc...

Come on man...why am I, a year 3 undergraduate, committing myself to so many activities?
What am I trying to prove?

Well, its only natural that I feel a little more stressed, moody, tired, grumpy and unhappy...perhaps those negative feelings accumulated and made me feel lazy. Hence the previous post.

On the other side, I'm still quite thankful for good health despite less sleep hours this week. The main thing that's bringing me pain is this huge ulcer at the side of my lips. I think its due to stress.

One of the most painful ulcers I ever had

Well, i'm thankful that my project is going better now. I'm thankful for having hardworking group mates for my other assignment. I'm thankful for food also =) And milo trucks and free drinks and free donuts!

Well, I'll be extremely thankful if it rains later at about 4pm...then softball training would be shifted to A1 instead of SRC - located eons away from my room.

Idleness

2008-10-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

Have you ever went through those nights where you just don't feel like doing anything. Not just work in particular...even don't feel like playing games, dont feel like leaving the room...
just feel like lying down on my bed and stare at the ceiling...
just want to stare at the whiteness of the ceiling....
just staring at the shadows of the rotating ceiling fan...

Well, I'm having one of those nights...I had been staring at the ceiling for the past 30mins...

well, probably last week had been busy...or perhaps I'm feeling exhausted...or perhaps the feeling of helplessness having so much things to do but not knowing which to do...but those are just excuses...
Its just slothfulness, laziness, slacking, idleness, sluggishness...whatever you called it...

Somethings, we just feel lazy...

>.<

But laziness is something to be condemned! Woe to me!

I still have the numerous work and other commitments to do!

ah...back to work! Work! Work!!!

Tired and Weak...

2008-10-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

Now its my turn to feel tired...Not because I just ran about 8km or that I just played a bit of badminton. Band practice even slipped out of my mind, and I missed it. Fortunately, they postponed band practice.

This feeling of tiredness. Its overwhelming.

Activities after activities, projects after projects, lab reports after lab reports, trainings after trainings, deadlines after deadlines, written reports after written reports, assessments after assessments.

Sometimes, activities and busyness just serve to distract or divert us away from our real problems...

perhaps, being vulnerable now, I'm forced to draw strength and rely on God. People often told me, Christianity is a religion for the weak. Because we Christians always depend on God for strength and cannot rely on ourselves. I guess that's true. Only the sick requires a doctor and only the weak requires a savior.

'...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."

building an ECG

2008-10-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

This project is keeping me occupied lately. I've been going to the lab every free time I've just to adjust and debug my ECG and make it work.

The most depressing question you can ever ask me now is: "How's your circuit?"...

Anyways, of course there are improvements and progress:

I was so happy when I got this reading on the oscilloscope. Its still quite flawed, but at least there's a shape and that's progress

I got this the next day. I did not touch the circuit nor made any adjustments. It just refuses to look like the previous day's reading. This would look good if it was rotated upside down.

Finally, I got something which looks more like the actual ECG shape after some adjustments to my circuit. However, if this reading were my ECG, then my heart rate would be approximately 3000 beats per minute (Which means I shouldn't be alive to give this kind of heart rate). Hence, there is still a major problem in my ECG circuit.

Ya...so lately if you see me looking moody, tired or obsessed with something, you know why la har...

Back to square 1...

2008-09-30T19:52:00.001+08:00

After all that work, I'm back to square one once again.

Do you know what do when you've worked on one circuit for 7 weeks and still it doesn't work. Its as if its no better than it was in the first day.

I know what to do..

Clean my room!!!

VPU...

2008-09-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

Besides VCF, and productions music, VPU is the other committee which I had put my heart into it. Of all the years in that committee (actually only 2 years), I enjoyed last year's VPU the most. I like the company back then. Although its easy for me coz I really didn't edit much videos. I still remember the times when me, wei de and che lei stayed up the whole night to edit the pre-ihg videos. I can't really say that I'm competent in editing video or was I passionate. But its an experience.
For year two, I remember the times when I taught them how to use the video cam, adobe premier, using the TV. I remember the IHG periods(Softball video again), cleaning the editing room during holidays, and my short film group, but I didn't help them much too, doing Nominations for IHG players video, being the QC for the pre-IHG video..Haha...plenty of memories...

Perhaps I'll join again next year.

Yay!!!

2008-09-27T01:14:00.001+08:00

For the past few days, I've hit a dead wall. No progress at all for my project or my mini project and lab report. No matter what I tried to do, I was still stuck.

Somehow, today was better. I finally met the lab person and he was quite nice and helpful to me. So, finally, my circuit could be done. Also, I've managed to send 1500 bytes over via serial cable.

running without weariness

2008-09-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

I just went for a run just now with Ivan and Eric. Initially I wasn't really planning on doing any exercise this week. I was more tied up with programming and circuit building. But anyway, I hit a dead end in my programming anyway, so I decided to go for it.

Running wasn't that easy as before. Although we ran at a quite comfortable pace throughout, I was feeling weariness, my muscles felt strained and I was gasping for air.

I couldn't help think about the last book of the chronicles of Narnia where all the children and the animals were running in the new Narnia. (The old Narnia was destroyed) They were running as fast as the unicorn (The speed of a horse I suppose) throughout the land. They were running so fast and yet not feeling a hint of weariness. And later on, being so filled with vigor and energy, they sped up to the point that they were as fast as flying. Imagine that. I would love to run at that speed and not grow weary.

Even the youths faint and get weary, and the young men utterly fall; But those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint.

Sometimes we need a break...

2008-09-20T02:42:00.001+08:00

Well, I've done quite a lot of activities so far in the first few weeks. Sometimes its good to just stop a while and chill.

I think I chilled a bit too much today. After coming back from class, I just stopped by the comm hall and listened to Gerry playing on the piano...Well, I chilled about 1 hour at the piano. After that, went back and played two rounds of DOTA with like Ivan, Guo An and Eric. After the game, I played basketball till 7pm. And after that, went out to join Ivan, Jean and Elaine for dinner. And after hopping from restaurants to restautants, we walked back from Holland V to NUS. And its 2:46am liao...

To spend a day in such a way...

I had a dream

2008-09-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

Last night I had a dream. There was a piano in front of me. And then, all of the sudden I started playing. Playing impromptu piece, some piece that I have never heard before. It began with a fast and lively music, and then it slowed down to some beautiful clash notes. My fingers were trying to catch up with the tune. When my fingers stopped, I realised the music was still going on. It was in my head. I was not playing it at all. It was such a beautiful tune!

Unfortunately, I woke up, forgetting the tune completely.

I tried playing the piano just now. but it didn't sound half as good as the tune in my dream.

The lady near Sim Lim Tower

2008-09-14T00:36:00.001+08:00

No, I'm not talking about a chio bu.

Last Thursday, due to the unavailability of components in the lab, I had to go all the way to Sim Lim Towers to buy an instrumental Amplifier for my EE2001 Project. The breadboard prototyping is next week and I just realised it recently. So, I am quite behind schedule, coz I haven't even bought the components yet.

So, while I was at Rocher road, a lady suddenly tried to call some people but she was ignored. Then while I was approaching, she called me. And (stupidly) I responded.

She came speaking Chinese(for she was not fluent in English) and keep telling me that she doesn't have a job and she had some thyroid problem and her mom was sick. She kept on saying that she wants to tapau meehoon for her brother, sister and mom. Then it occurred to me that she wanted money.

I was quite weary and I was afraid that she might be a cheat, but I cant bear to walk off just like that if what she was telling is the truth. Hence, judging by her shabby appearance and desperate tone of voice and her politeness, I asked her how much she needed. She said she needs $8. So I decided to give her the benefit of doubt and gave her $10 (with a frown on my face) and tried to rush off to Sim Lim to get my components and be done with it.

But after giving her my money, she was so happy and she introduced herself(Which I forgot her name instantly) and asked me my name. I muttered "Victor" which sounded like "peter" or "Bee de" or whatever and tried to rush off and brush her aside. But she kept trying to follow me and tried to talk with me coz she's so happy that someone helped her.

Damn sad...In my pride and arrogance, I didn't even bother trying to remember her name. After her introducing herself, it is evident that she isn't trying to cheat me. She is so genuinely happy that she wanted to talk to me or make friends with me. But I, sadly, am too busy, and too arrogant perhaps, not to try talking to her.

Where is my compassion? Why am I so caught up with my own project that I neglected and despised the poor. Donating $10 is one thing. Treating them with dignity and trying to make friends with them is another thing. She is probably despised by everyone on the streets. I am no different from the rest. Deep down inside, I know that I am too busy to care for other people. My actions made me realise that.

It is really sad to see people in those kind of conditions. It is even sadder to see that there people like me who despised them.

These thoughts went with me throughout the day. And I really regretted my actions that day.

Fear

2008-09-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

Today's sermon in church is about fear. Fear is not uncommon to everybody but yet it is seldom addressed. Well, I have my fears also. This fear makes me want to take control of everything in my life.

Have you all ever heard of the story of the disciples of Jesus Christ in the boat? When a storm came, the disciples became afraid and they woke Jesus up on the boat fearing that they might die. Then Jesus, went and rebuked the storm and it became still. That is the story that came to my mind.

Well, most of Jesus' disciples are fishermen. So I guess if they're afraid it really means the storm is great.

Now, drawing back comparisons, it is not like my life is a storm now. In fact, I find myself drifting away in complacency, without any motivation to improve or do good to society.

I'm especially fearful when it comes to relationships (not just the romantic kind of relationships). One thing is for sure, that is to trust in God, knowing that He will provide all our needs. What does it mean? Giving up control and letting things be the way it is?

Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Although I still have lab reports to do, I'll make it a point to make time for other people as well, if they need my help or my company. haha...I have this fear of rejection as well.

September already

2008-08-31T14:15:00.001+08:00

I suspect time flies faster in Singapore. Before I knew it, its September. Well, its going to be another eventful month of just chasing the wind in my numerous activities.

I am already year 3, and the reality of it hasn't struck me. Still, I am joining quite a few committees. I'm already in productions and guess which part of productions am I in? That's right - Music again. I'm also in TH band. Well, I'm thinking of joining Hearts as well. Channel some of that energy I have into something good for society.

Yup, Its good to be back here. Some of the Malaysians have just finished work there in Cedar Point. Woa, thats enough of Cedar Point for me. Funny that while I was working there, I wanted so much to come back to study because its much slacker to study. Now, it seems that I'm being caught up with studies and activities that I became cranky yesterday. Lol. So, conclusion, wherever it is, life is not easy.

I used to think that how much more can you suffer there. Having to resort to eating leftover food, going around begging for extra working hours so that I could earn extra money, fighting on to get on the bus just so that I could go Wall Mart, and trying to compete with the supervisor for the tips in the room. So much more... I can say i'm living a fugitive lifestyle in the land of wealth. Its not that I have no money, its just that I wanted more money so that I can afford to travel with my friends after working.

Now, I have a different set challenges. I have to learn how to design and build a ECG monitor for my project. Its not easy. But now, I have the comfort of a nice clean room, unclogged toilets, better and healthier(More oily) food, luxury of time, freedom of being accountable to no one(But God), unconditional financial support from my parents,friends who genuinely seek my welfare, full (and partial) access to a variety of resources and facilities, and a variety of leisure activities to de-stress.
So, what are the reasons i have to sulk and complain about life?

A Summer Fling 9525 Miles Away From Home

2008-08-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

"I could not describe my excitement upon the arrival on Los Angeles International Airport (LAX). Everything here was a new experience for me – the airplanes, the toilets, the customs, the shops, the roads (Automobiles travel on the right side of the road), the people, and the weather. Thus, I was wandering around the premise with a childlike ecstasy, wanting to see more and experience new wonders. However, in the midst of these happy experiences, two of my friends who are traveling with me were detained by customs officers and interrogated. Both of them were forced to miss their connecting flight to Cleveland which they later retold their plight with hateful vengeance to us.

Fortunately, our two friends reunited with the group at Cleveland greyhound station. Nobody at that moment dared to ask them what really happened back there at the airport for the fear of arousing anymore unhappiness among the group. Despite all that, the two remained cheerful and even joked about their experience. Well, the truth is, we are so excited in this foreign country that nothing can dampen it.

Due to exhaustion and jet lag, we slept through an otherwise scenic journey to Sandusky. Upon reaching, we were unfortunately separated against our will into different rooms in different apartments. So I had to share a room with two African Americans and a White American. I was initially quite pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of the Americans. They would take the effort to greet us and strike a conversation with us although we were completely strangers.

Getting Used to Life in the Ghetto

“Welcome to the ghetto!” This is what Todd, my roommate told me. It’s already been a week living in the apartments, and I got to know people from completely different backgrounds in my apartment. People partied from night to night, alcohol flowed like water and tobacco fumes choke the corridor. Once a while, visits from the Cedar Point police are normal. It was not anything I experienced before in Singapore. I learn to be more street smart, the dos and don’ts to get you out of trouble. I did not experience anything bad while I stayed there, but some of my friends got their valuables stolen due to carelessness.

Every day, we would persistently inquire at the front desk for vacant rooms so that we could stay together in one room. Eventually, our efforts paid off, much to the relief of the front desk people who had to endure our unrelenting requests. We were moved to on to another place.

Working for Hotel Breakers

Working at Hotel Breakers was quite enjoyable. "

Cedar Point

Above is an excerpt of the $1395 essay that I am working on. A lot of drama happened in US, almost too exciting to tell - the treachery, lies, betrayal, love blossoming, defiance, etc, etc...

I'll leave the other part of the essay for another day.

After the first paper....

2008-05-02T00:28:00.000+08:00

So far, I just had my first paper yesterday. Somehow, signals did not seem that difficult as expected. I expected something totally difficult. But surprisingly, I was able to do some questions. Although, answering the questions correctly is a different thing all together.

But to me, this exam period is a happier period compared to the previous semester. Its because of DOTA! Well, actually this exam period is more fun for me because there are more friends during this period. Last semester, everyone just wanted to mug and mug, nobody wanted to do stuff like DOTA or squash, etc, etc...hence, I was really dying of boredom, loneliness and stress last semester. Well, this semester's exam + reading week is filled with activities like DOTA and squash, badminton and food.

Well, some of us have colonized the B2 cozy area and made it our study area. I did go there once. not too bad for studying econs, but not good for studying engineering modules...

Ok..I've 5 papers more to go in the next 4 days.

Yup sounds good doesnt it?

Good Luck for those having exams! (Although , I doubt any sane person would read blogs during the exam period.)

Yes, I also doubt that any sane person would update blogs in the midst of having exams.

Something random

2008-04-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

Someone has said, "Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them in our hands, but by following them, as the seafaring man on the ocean, we will reach our destiny."

I'm still young, still relatively sheltered from the harsh reality of the world.
Thats why I'm still idealistic.

Love talk 2

2008-04-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

The price of love...

I was reading today and something quite interesting caught my interest.

In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis wrote:

" To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness...The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is hell."

Well, interesting right?

Nothing cost as much as loving - except not loving

Lets talk about love...

2008-04-04T19:45:00.000+08:00

Love is patience, as the Bible puts it. But really, how long must I wait for this 'love'?

Right now, I'm just waiting for this 'love'... waiting and waiting...

Well, it was not long ago that I began to long for romantic love again that was after attending a wedding dinner during February. Arrghh...why do I sound like a girl?

Yup, everywhere you look, almost everyone around you are getting attached, like the person who stays opposite me. Haha...

But for me, all I have to do is wait. Why rush to spoil all the fun?
I think I have met this special someone but all I can do is wait. Only time can tell...

But for the moment, why can't I be happy being single?
haha...enough lovey dovey talk, time for real work.

I'm gonna start studying this weekend!!!

2008-04-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

Yup, you heard me....

Back from jb

2008-03-30T21:13:00.001+08:00

I just came back from jb. Yup, ever since Mas Selamat's escape, the distance between Singapore and JB doubled (Distance in terms of time).

Why did I go back then?

It was a very last minute thing, I had to go back and get all the necessary certs to apply for this DUO-exchange award thingy. And the deadline is 31st MArch. Yup, tmr! talk about procastination.

Whats left now between me and the $4000 euros award is a 500 word essay on 'why am I so interested in this award?'.

So why do I want this award?

Let me explain in terms of econs:
Cost of getting the scholarship: 2-3 hours of paperwork + form filling + essay writing
Pay-offs : up to $1000 euros per month up to 4 months = $4000 Euros!!!
Chances of getting it : close to 2-3%

Anyway, I just found out that Rui Hoong is more last minute than me, because she is applying for the award as well but she hasnt started writing her essay.

my dear VHDL

2008-03-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

Well, after lunch today, I've decided to stay back in my room to study for my VHDL pratical test tomorrow (Its a programming language: VHSIC Hardware Description Language ( VHSIC: Very high speed integrated circuits) ) Even the name sounds long and complicated.

I was hiding myself in the room and had much progress in my VHDL until I got the sms from Wei De asking me to help him book the main tv lounge and get the key. 'Oh wells', I said to myself, 'got to do what the boss wants'. So, out I go out of my room, not anticipating the various distractions that await me outside my cozy room.

I've reached the office and to my dismay, Wu Teng has already booked the lounge and took the key. My efforts were futile. And just when I started walking back to my room, my ears picked up a faint music emanating from the comm hall. The sound was so good, I just had to find out who played it. From the top, I could see a girl, but I didn't know who was it. Then I've decided to walk nearer to find out who she is (Which now I realised it was a bad move).

It was Shi Min.(The girl I knew from lights in productions) I didn't know she played the piano, and she played it quite nicely too. It was a nice korean song with nice chords...very nice... Then gerry came along as well. The next thing I knew, I spent the whole afternoon listening to the piano, playing a few pieces here and there and exchanging scores.

And then suddenly, it was dinner time.

Wow, there goes my afternoon....

Well, after dinner its back to VHDL again. But that didnt last long coz at 8pm, I went to play squash with Shu Yan. Yup, after 1 hour of playing, its back to VHDL before the VPU meeting which starts at 10pm.

Now, it is after the VPU meeting, but VHDL can wait....after I finish this blog post...

weekend

2008-03-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

Well, I think I didn't really do well for the ee2010 test. Yupz, I didn't know how to do 1 question(there were only 3 questions by the way). Oh wells, its only 10%, I'll work harder for the next 80% (The other 10% is from labs I think).

Well, I spent the remainder of yesterday playing foosball. Yup, thanks to Foo, we only spent $1 for about 30 games...hehe.

Denied the chance of winning $300

2008-03-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

Yup. Due to too many participants, I'm not able to enter the pa live awards. Haha...its my fault for deciding last minute also. Oh wells....next year la..if I'm still around.

Today is a day filled with surprises =)

Hope that tomorrow will be better!

Belated Birthday Celebration - Told from my point of view

2008-03-12T20:03:00.000+08:00

On the 11th of March, I was tricked to blk D thinking that we go to celebrate wu teng's birthday. Well, I was feeling quite tired from all the wiring and inserting ic chips into my breadboard and I thought maybe I'll go celebrate then quickly retreat to my room and retire for the night.

But I should have known that it was not so simple. When I went there, the first person i met was fung hong and without suspecting anything I was happily talking to him. Although it occurred to me that since when was fung hong so friend with wu teng.

Yup. I did expect something. But I didn't really want it to happen.

And it turned out to be true. They planned to celebrate wu teng's birthday with me.

So they sang a birthday song, we cut the cake and took photos. Is that all? It all seemed too good to be true.

Then

To my horror...

They pounced on me and handcuffed me and wu teng. Then they used a torture device invented by OSIM (equivalent to the electric chair for death penalty) They strapped the contraption on our shoulders and turn on full power sending electric jolts to our body causing involuntary twitching of the muscles.

Then the opportunity came, the straps on wu teng fell off and they begun focusing their attention on wu teng, which gave me the chance to break free. I managed to get out of my handcuffs and ran. haha suckers...

But to my horror, after running a distance, nobody followed me. This sucks...and I was actually stupid enough to turn around and walk back to them - walking back to death.

Ya...they put handcuffs on me again, but this time it was tighter. Then they took a pail full of freezing cold water, drench me from head to toe. That time, my poor heart was suffering shock from that sudden drop of temperature to 4C. My body's temperature regulatory system was working so furiously, making my muscles to contract rapidly, making me shiver. I was clinging on to my life, refusing to let hypothermia take over.

Ok...maybe my story is a bit exaggerated...

hehe...thanks guys anyway

No mood

2008-02-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

I have no mood to study...

ya, if there is anything I need right now, that is motivation...

motivation to study...

Even if I have a test tomorrow...

Right now, I just have the motivation to slack..

To help even when it hurts...

2008-02-28T02:06:00.000+08:00

How far would I go to help a friend?

In terms of economics, I'm stupid...wasting my time like that...

Well, maybe they might appreciate me or maybe they won't, but as long as it makes a difference...
Like the starfish story which MOE is trying to brainwash people into teaching...

Mid term break

2008-02-26T03:06:00.001+08:00

Well, I've been rather unproductive this holidays in terms of academic work. Well, its a break right?

Been going for meetings, playing squash, making trips to fong seng, not to mention going to my 3rd home - editing room.

Hmmm...maybe I'll be slightly more altruistic and help out with the cleaning of the editing room. Ok, actually there is food provided after the cleaning session..hehe.

Last few days I spent a lot. First it was Hogsbreath at vivo, then it was Aston's western food at pgp, then Indonesian panggang (Yes, I consider indo panggang as expansive food). Running out of cash, I need to withdraw some...

Its funny how fast people's feelings change.

Anyways, I'm tired. Nights!

Start Work!

2008-02-21T14:55:00.000+08:00

Due to lack of motivation, my work has been lagging behind quite a bit.

But somehow, I still can't find the motivation to study and do work.

Busy Busy Busy...

2008-02-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

I think everyone around me is very busy...

This morning after lecture, I saw a group of chem engine students crowded in front of LT6, handing up assignments.

Afternoon, people are busy usual. Rushing to classes, writing essays.

Evening comes, people rush to meetings, meet deadlines, rush essays, attend meetings, do projects.

I'm not that busy now. (Not that I'm not busy, but I feel that others around me are more busy)

My busy time will come soon also...

2008-02-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, during nights like this
I feel lonely...

I'm weak, to show that He is strong...

2008-02-12T02:08:00.001+08:00

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

This verse has been quoted many times in countless occasions. But do I really believe it? Its harder to believe this when I'm tired and weak.

We all do have a limit, don't we? I'm not near my limit yet, but somehow, certain things overwhelm me recently.

To be able to fly, mount up with wings like eagles. It has been my dreams(There are times when I dream I flew) To be able to fly and soar above everything else...

To be able to run and not feel weary.

To be able to walk and not faint.

Of course these analogies are not meant to be taken literally. But to be able to have that amount of vigour...

I hate late night meetings...

2008-02-12T01:46:00.000+08:00

Yeah, especially when I have morning classes the next day.

I'm actually quite weak. 5 hours of sleep isn't enough for me.

I need Sleep!

A feast!!

2008-02-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year just ended for me, and school starts tomorrow. This new year, I really had a feast! (Ya, ya, there goes Victor and his talk about food again...)

Yesterday night, I had a RM600 feast at desaru. Its the most expensive meal I've eaten so far. First dish is yu sheng (A dish which I never eaten before I came to Singapore). After that, it is followed by some herbal soup with fish bladder, sea cucumber, black chicken and some chinese herbs. The soup is pretty thick and it looks rich. Next, some sprouts cooked with abalone in some kind of sauce (I think some superior thick sauce or something). A big steamed pompret fish follows. Along with another dish of some kind of vegetable, mushrooms, squids and scallops. The scallops were big and juicy. After that, we had small lobsters in some thick cream which according to my aunt, is some thick stock made from lobsters( I think). The sauce was so thick and creamy and good. heavenly. Next, there was duck cooked with sea cucmber. After that Chili crabs. The dessert was yam and sweet potatoes in some yellow cream (I think corn syrup) and longans in ice.

The only thing bad about this feast was when I had a stomach cramp while eating the pomfret. It really spoiled my appetite and I couldn't eat the remaining dishes . Well, I did try to eat those dishes sparingly, or else its an utter waste coz most of those things I have never tried in my 21 years.

Well, today I had another feast. I just came back to singapore and we went to a Japanese restaurant and ate sushi and japanese food to our hearts content. My aunt's treat! Yay! For dinner, we went to my uncle's house for some foo chou dishes.

Ya, I really ate till I couldn't eat any more today...

Distracted...

2008-02-04T16:09:00.001+08:00

Lately, there are a lot of things on my mind...couldn't really concentrate in tutorials or lectures...

Buck up!

2008-02-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've not done a single tutorial. I've skipped some lectures and I've slept through some. Its time I buck up and put more effort in my academic studies.

Well, maybe I was busy, but those are just excuses. I still have lots of free time (for example, time spent blogging this) In addition, the Chinese New Year mood had settled in, and I no longer have the momentum to attend lectures or go for any stuff...

anyways, can't worry about that, I've to go home now. Bye!

Signs of weakness

2008-01-31T23:49:00.000+08:00

I've never realised I am so weak.

Yesterday, when the time came, I just ran away in fear. The fear of what others might say or what others might think if I had stayed behind. An act of cowardice. I am still afraid of the same thing I was afraid of since my primary school days - being teased.

After that, my conscience kept bugging me. My weakness overwhelms me.

why am I made so weak? I asked myself.

"To show that God is strong." Came the answer from the movie ' Facing The Giants'.

I am still unable to face the giant called failure, I am bounded by chains called pride, and I am weighed down by guilt.

At least today, I have already accepted that fact and moved on. Anyways, I wanted to play squash for TH. I wanted to go and fight not just sitting on the bench watching KR and SH girls fight each other with one-sided matches At least, let me be defeated by the team members first, then I would be happy to sit on the bench. Gimme a chance T.T

Although I'm weak, I'll grow stronger...

The End!

2008-01-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

"...a place...for my dreams...to live...", the last sentence echoes throughout the silent hall, Marianne slumps on the crate and buried her face. The spotlight dims, the music fades, a thundering applause erupts...

The next few moments, the curtains open, the backstage crew, managers, directors, producers, scriptwriter and cast made their way to the stage, and bowed before the blinding spotlight. The thundering applause resounds. Some people made their way to the stage, eager to present flowers or handshakes of congratulations.

Everyone was smiling, thinking, "Its over!".

Some with a tinge of reluctance, sadness, emptiness, muttered "Its over..."

The whole play that took us a few months of hard work has finally served its purpose - to be presented to the audience.

I really hope that everyone that went enjoyed the play. Well, the music as well, of course!

Although I keep bragging about how good the music is, deep down inside, I don't want you all to praise the music by the music team, I just want them to enjoy it.

I got to know some new friends through productions, like the lights people in the sound room. Yeah, both lights and music are essential for the play! Yeah, of course, sets and costumes are also essential too.

I'm glad its over too. I won't be FOOLED into joining productions again next year....
unless, if it is a musical ^^

Update!

2008-01-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

Although its just the first week of school, it feels like I've been through another 1 whole semester again. First week has been so busy. Amidst the busyness, I enjoyed every moment of it. I guess it gives me a sense of purpose and something to do.

The number 1 time occupier is productions rehearsals. I've been quite busy editing the songs and going for rehearsals, although sometimes, I dun pay attention to the scenes and I miss my queue.

The number 2 time occupier is squash. I've been playing almost everyday lately, yup, certainly some improvement but there is still a long way to go for me.

Lectures have been quite boring. I've been falling asleep quite a lot.

VPU's pre-ihg video is done and screened, although there are some screw-ups in the screening of the video, I felt I was largely responsible for it...Wei De wasn't too happy with me and the projector team...Hehe

I've played badminton today. I've seen some improvement in my stamina but at the same time, I've made lots of careless mistakes, like hitting the shuttlecock out with my backhand, my accuracy is getting worst. I've been using my arm instead of using my wrists for backhand resulting in more out balls. I guess its the bad thing about playing squash too much.

The one thing that I've been procrastinating a lot is organising a VCF meeting.

Haha...this semester, I dunno somehow, I find certain ppl quite irritating and my patience is reaching its limit. Now I know it feels when I irritate other people with my nonsense. Yup, so I've cut down a lot on the nonsense talking and crapping. If I've nothing better to say, than just dont say it. So, don't be surprised if u find me more quiet than last time.Also, I've made a couple of new friends. Ya, I'm learning to be more sociable. Hehe..

Thats a lengthy update. Got lots of stuff to do tonite.

My three friends...

2007-11-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

One fine day, while in my room. While mugging, I felt a soft touch, delicate and subtle, beckoning me to look behind. There, lo and behold, stood a person. She introduced herself. My name is 'The Past', she said.Well, I don't mind making a new friend, funny name though, I thought.

Soon, as I talk to her more, I grew more attached to her. She is lovely and beautiful. My identity grew by spending time with her. However, as time passes, she demanded more attention from me and I became obsessed with her.

As time went on, she was not perfect as I thought she would be, revealing her flaws, her blemishes. How I wanted her to change but she strong character never changes. Never! The utter feeling of helplessness made me bitter and resentful.

Then one day, I bumped into another person while going for a lecture class. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Soon, we became friends and her name was 'The Present'.

Unlike 'The Past', 'The Present' is very fickle minded, she goes with the wind, chasing everything she wants as if she was lived for today only.

I tried to follow her, to spend time with her, but she was so unpredictable. When I became close to her, my mood swings with the weather: When the sun shines, I am happy; When the rain pours, I am sad; When the storm clouds gather, and the thunder roars, I feel angry; When it is spring, I feel hopeful; When it is winter, I feel depressed. I realised, as much as I was enslaved by 'The Past' I was also heavily influenced by 'The Present' - going through every activity one after the other.

Once, while following my friend 'The Present', I tripped and fell head down. What hurt most wasn't the physical pain, but pain of losing my pride.

Then a hand reached out, gentle but firm it pulled me up on my feet. I was standing again. I gazed upon her face, her beautiful countenance. Her individual facial features were not that attractive but her features as whole were lovely. I stood totally absorbed in her beauty. I am "The Future", she says smiling then she left. She left shortly after that, saying " If you want to be my friend, you'll need to find me first".

However, that was the only encounter with her. Once a while, I catch a glimpse of her. But I never met her again. Sometimes I can picture her clearly in my mine, at other times, her visage is blurred.

There is always hope I'll find her and meet her.

Sad...

2007-11-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

I wanna go home... They locked the piano again, and it is during reading week. I thought they would only lock it during exam week.

=(

Jiwang?

2007-11-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

I am confused about it. I think I am jiwang, then I become jiwang; If I think I am not jiwang, then I feel happy.

Hmm...I think I need to confirm that I am jiwang first.

Anyways, this week is gonna be different for me. The month of November, a new month. I did something quite radical also, I got myself PINK coloured braces. Wow! The nurse even looked at me when my itching fingers picked a colour and asked me, "Pink? you sure?" I merely smiled back. Yup, pink.

Yesterday's agenda:
I happily procastinated everything, tutorials, revisions, VPU teachings, Lab reports, etc, etc. So yesterday's agenda was nothing to do with work - A day well spent =)
Oh ya, I forgot to mention, I was in jb, and I played lots of piano.

Tonight's agenda:
I asked my brain, "What are we going to do tonite?" and he replied "The same thing we do every other night, trying to take over the EE2011, EE2004, EE2005 chapters". (Sadly, I always suffer the same fate as Pinky and the Brain - they always fail eventually)
Oh ya, almost forgot, the usual and most crucial thing to do : PROCRASTINATE!!

Tomorrow's agenda:
Going to visit the doctor. Its for my eye 'infection', another pus is growing, disgusting. Going for lectures (Of course, I don't usually skip lectures)

Deadlines:
Plenty but I forgot.

Whatever....

meaning-less

2007-10-30T11:35:00.000+08:00

The smell of rain fills the room.

rata tat, rata tat...

The rain pours outside my window. Here am I, sheltered from the pouring rain, but exposed to the inner pouring of the soul. This void, empty feeling, its like a hole, draining the water as rain drops continue to fall. The heavier the downpour, the faster the water drains off, like sucking its life force, draining its youthful vigor. All going down the drain. ALL...

rata tat, rata tat...

The rain abates, the sky brigthens, a silver lining appears in the sky, a rainbow appears, displaying the various hues. Nevertheless, the room remains as it was, dark, gloomy and damp. The diminuendo of rain drops reverberate still so strongly throughout the empty hallways of my heart. Hope beckons, but the heart still clings on to despair, refusing to let go.

...

The rain completely stops. The trees are nourished, the flowers are quenched. But the thirsty soul still longs for something, a source of water that satisfies and never let one thirst again. Somehow, everything before, its just like the rain drops - it just drops, regardless of its destination, it just falls. But even the rain has a meaning, the rain has its worth (in other parts of the world), the rain has its purpose, the rain has its beauty.

rata tat, rata tat...

The rain starts again, drizzling refusing to give up.

让我发泄一下不可以吗？

2007-10-23T01:32:00.000+08:00

我就是那么有偏见。

6th week...

2007-09-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

Basically, these past few days had been busy.

Faced a few disappointments, a few surprises this week.

Firstly, I have been rejected for a post in vpu. Since last year (or last sem to be more accurate), I wanted to eye for a post in vpu. Coz I want to make some changes which I was not happy with vpu last year. Anyways, I respect their decision, and ya, maybe I am involved in too many things, too many commitments. However, its another rejection experience again. I guess I need to get used to it.

Second disappointment - french test. I guess I need to fail sooner, to succeed faster. To be honest, I never did so badly for a test before. Yup, its not even more than 40%. Somehow, this fail I got this time made me more interested and more determined to scored better in French. Seriously, I am actually more interested in French this sem compared to the last 2 sems.

Slept quite little these few days due to rushing the pageant video and various assignments. I did all the catching up on sleep during lectures. I guess thats normal. I wanted to study but didnt had time to study.

On the other hand, I passed my grade 8 exam! It was during 8am when I received an sms from my mom telling me that I passed my exams. Quite an achievement for me, coz according to my mum and my sister, the examiner was quite strict and stingy with marks. But I passed nevertheless.

I got a new pair of slippers. It was sort of a gift for passing grade 8. Haha... The old ones broke last week and I was temporarily using sh's slippers. Quite nice, but I am scared it will be dirty soon, because it is white.

Finally after today's MNO meeting, my group finally came up with a script which I like. In this project, I felt that my group can do more but they are not willing to take a more difficult step. Most of my ideas got shot down by the group. Somehow, I was not happy that the story we discussed was not creative enough. Somehow, I felt that more creativity should be in the video, but the rest think that its good enough to just throw every points straight from the textbook. Its certainly hard to convince them.

I just had DND. Well, tech crew officially ended. Pageant video was screened. The dinner was not bad, quite good actually. However I didn't get to take enough because they didn't replenish the food supply after it is finished. (I thought it was all-you-can-eat buffet) Overall, its was quite entertaining, and too bad someone didn't come for the dinner. Nevertheless I enjoyed it.

The quiet stillness

2007-08-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

Dark corridors...

Silent walls...

The still air...

Its the perfect time for me to do my work. No disturbance, no disruptions, just distraction from my laptop.

Somehow, i just had to sit here and enjoy the calmness, the peacefulness.
No momentum to start work, no motivation to initiate it.

A serene night, with a tinge of loneliness.
mixed feelings...
sentimental...

Arrgghh!! it must be those jay chou songs playing repeatedly on my laptop.

安静- Its one of the first jay chou songs I ever heard. Yeah, when I first came to Singapore, it was Ho Wai's favourite song. I guess it was his influence that I began to like that song too. When ever I hear that song I was reminded of the first few months in Singapore. It was very much different then. Somehow, back then the future seemed brighter, or maybe I wasn't think much about the future.
Funny isn't it?

Well, what's even funnier, certain songs remind me of my secondary school days. Last time, I loved to play those Richard Clayderman songs. That was when I just started learning the piano. I was so anxious just learning more and more songs. (mainly to show off I guess) That time, all I ever looked forward was recess, PE, going back home after school and playing starcraft and red alert. Back then, badminton was what I always looked forward for.

Funny how the quietness of this room is working on my mind.

哥林多前书 13:4-8

2007-08-28T00:24:00.000+08:00

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒。爱是不自夸。不张狂。

不作害羞的事。不求自己的益处。不轻易发怒。不计算人的恶。

不喜欢不义。只喜欢真理。

凡事包容。凡事相信。凡事盼望。凡事忍耐。

爱是永不止息。先知讲道之能，终必归于无有。说方言之能，终必停止，知识也终必归于无有。

life is getting more real...

2007-08-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

University life is starting to seep in for me. I began to realize that when I started dozing off during lecture. Yes, my brain is starting to shut down during lecture - which means I am getting not enough sleep.(or maybe the lectures are too boring) Furthermore, I couldn't understand French.

Yeah, my last sem routine is sinking in again: waking up at 845am for a 9am class, dozing off in lecture, playing dota right after dinner, slacking during the time when I plan to study, having no mood to study...

And I have bravely took up many hall activities again. Hehe...maybe I shouldn't be too ambitious but I was too eager to try to make a change around me. But with the right attitude and lots of prayer, I guess I'll make it through.

But the main difference between 'me in this new semester' and the the 'old me' is that I am smiling more, taking things more positively. Maybe because now things are going my way, that's why I am so happy. Maybe its because I get to eat more good food too...HaHaHa..But when things don't go my way, I hope I could still really be happy in my heart. Anyways, there is no good reason for me to be sad also, because there are people out there who are less fortunate than me.

But sometimes, it feels lonely here in c115.

If life were a piece paper...

2007-08-21T10:50:00.001+08:00

If life were a piece of paper...
What would I write on my piece of paper?

Would I write long, complicated sentences or short, simple questions?
Would I write unfinished sentences or would I put a full stop to each sentence before I start the next sentence?
Would I have many sentences ending with question marks or exclamation marks?

Mistakes are unavoidable while writing.
Sometimes we can erase or use correction fluid...
Sometimes we have no choice but to cross out the mistakes. Unfortunately, the crossed out mistakes are still visible, but we just have to ignore it and continue writing...
Sometimes, when there are so many crosses and cancellations that the paper looks so messy, we just wish we could throw the paper away and start with a new piece. But, the truth is, we have only one piece of paper...Fortunately, we can cancel everything in the starting paragraphs and start a new paragraph on the new section of that piece of paper. After all, we are still young, there are still lots of spaces left on our piece of paper.

Some would try to write as much as possible within their piece of paper, making their paper as full as possible...
Some would try to scribble a few sentences leaving much of the paper blank...
Some people organize their writings into paragraphs, some don't...
Some people would plan before they write, some would just write impromptu...

Some people write very descriptively...
Some people write very mechanically following a certain structure while using all various jargons...
Some people write very formally..
Some people write poetically...
Some people write very abstractly, which is not easily understood...

Writer's block is often inevitable..so how would some handle it?
Some just stop writing and give up...
Some wait for inspiration then continue...
Some just continue writing for the sake of writing...

Inevitably, all writings would come to an end. How would I end it?
Would I have enough space left to write my concluding paragraph?
Will I be able to write a concluding paragraph if my content paragraphs were so haphazard and messy?

So in the end, it doesn't matter whether I am an A4 paper, whether you are an A3 paper or he is an A5 paper. Everybody has a different piece of paper. Some people get to write more because they are A3 papers, some people get to write less. Life is often unfair. In the end, what matters is whether you have fully utilized the amount of space you have on your piece of paper to bring across your message. Is our handwriting too messy that we cannot bring out a clear message to the others?

In the end, others will be reading your piece of paper, not only yourself...very often, we do not write for ourselves...

What is the message you are trying to let others know on your piece of paper?